It's against all laws of man and nature.

I know. I have the same issue with Dan Radcliffe i.e.
Good S-J: "Don't think such things. He's only a little boy."
Bad S-J: "Fuck that shit. He's hot."
Good S-J (channeling rod and tod flanders): "That sort of talk makes baby Jesus cry."
Bad S-J: "Ah, shut up. Now... where's some more pictures of the Dan-aliciousness..."