You wanted nitpicks pointed out? OK, just a couple:
War brings out the worst people.
Did you mean 'worst in people'?
The sounds of the party guest still filtering up from the gardens, and it feels just like the end of any other party.
Suggest either 'the sounds of party guests still filtering...' or 'the sounds of the party still filtering...'
*****
Very evocative little piece *g*. I've never watched the movie, so can tell you that the scene plays well on its own. Very visual and evocative. You've captured reticence and longing in a good balance.
When you think it's ready to go up, put it in the subs file and I'll upload it. Thanks! :-D
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zvi and
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Date: 2003-02-18 04:06 am (UTC)You wanted nitpicks pointed out? OK, just a couple:
War brings out the worst people.
Did you mean 'worst in people'?
The sounds of the party guest still filtering up from the gardens, and it feels just like the end of any other party.
Suggest either 'the sounds of party guests still filtering...' or 'the sounds of the party still filtering...'
*****
Very evocative little piece *g*. I've never watched the movie, so can tell you that the scene plays well on its own. Very visual and evocative. You've captured reticence and longing in a good balance.
When you think it's ready to go up, put it in the subs file and I'll upload it. Thanks! :-D