Seeing as it's agreed that Dan might play squash, here's a silly little snippet of dialogue to start off your Monday morning.

"Hmm, pungent!"

"Pungent?"

"Yes, Dan. Pungent, as in malodorous."

"Only you would define one word with another twice the length."

"It's not twice the length."

"Malodorous has one, two, three, four syllables, pungent has two. That makes it twice the length in my book."

"Ah, good to know you're still in a different book to everyone else."

"Casey, you've got to go with the syllables. Nobody is going to count the letters in their head, so you go with the syllables. Always go with the syllables.

"Pungent has seven letters. Malodorous has ten. So strictly it's ten-sevenths the length of pungent."

"OK, so you count the letters, in your head, without even pausing. But, we're getting away from the fact that you just said pungent."

"I said pungent?"

"Yes, Casey, you did. I distinctly noticed you sticking your nose near me and saying 'hmm, pungent.'"

"Ah, I did."

"And you think that's an good greeting for a friend?"

"Absolutely. It's clear and to the point."

"You don't think, 'hi Dan, did you have a good game of squash' might have been better?"

"Ah, but that wouldn't have conveyed half as much. There was the welcoming 'hmm', in a pleasurable tone that said I was pleased to see you. Then there was the 'pungent', which was an invitation."

"An invitation?"

"Yes, exactly."

"You sure you're not confusing an invitation with an insult?"

"No, it's definitely an invitation. One I was hoping you'd be interested in."

"And how do you make that out to be an invitation?"

"It's suggesting that you should shower. Now. With me."

"Ah, now that's an invitation."