Vidding thoughts (insanity)

[out_there]

First off, Slod's right about My Immortal. Forget angsty fics, next time I want a good cry, I'm watching that vid again. Poor Clark! Poor Lex! It made me teary, and I really don't cry over much.

Secondly, sitting on the train going home, I couldn't get to sleep, so I started working out Alanis Morissette vids I would like to do (if I knew how and wasn't so lazy). I don't care how dodgy it sounds, I want these. *g*

I'd like to do a Sam/Josh WW vid to Front Row, from Sam's POV thinking of Josh, I think it would really work.

Umm... If you haven't heard this song, you need to know that there is background stuff half heard over the main tune, I'm going to put it in tiny writing.

Front Row
Do you go to the dungeon to find out
how to make peace with your days in the dungeon
writing a letter to you didn't make me feel any more peaceful
than how I felt when we weren't speaking
because I didn't cop to what I did.
I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries. I'd like you to be schooled and in awe
as though you were kissed by god full on the lips.
I'm in the front row
the front row with popcorn
I get to see you
see you close up.
I'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one
one minute I want to banish you
the next I want to be on a deserted island with you along with my three favorite cd's
ambivalent yet in your bed
we've yet to acknowledge what's really happened.

Slid into the ditch
I have this overwhelming loss of ambition
we said let's name thirty good reasons why we shouldn't be together
I start by saying things like "you smoke" "you live in New Jersey(too far)"
you started saying things like "you belong to the world"
all of which could have been easily refuted
but the conversation was hypothetical
I am totally short of breath for you
why can't you shut your stuff off.....
I'm in the front row
the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you
see you close up
and I laughed until my lungs hurt
I love how you bust my chops
you don't always feel seen
sometimes you feel erasable
unfortunately I cannot reciprocated in my current state
I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together.

.......for a while while I'm speaking
you know how much you hate to be interrupted
maybe spend some time alone
fill up your provebial cup
so that it doesn't always have to be about you
I've been wanting your undivided attention
I like the fact that you're nothing like me
are you not burdened by the lack of perspective
people have of your charmed life(seemingly)?
I'm in the front row
the front row with popcorn
I get to see you
see you close up
you never meant to be ungrateful
nor held up to be whipped or wept for
certainly not analysed
prodded at more ways than one
apparently you've been misrepresented
dealing with the concept of arrows being slung towards your outrageous fortune.

Hey I'm not mad at you guardian
I'm mad at myself for spending so much time
with you and your jeckyl and hydeness
I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist
you laughed a wicked laugh
and said "come here let me clip your wings!"
(I know he's blood but you can still turn him away
you don't owe him anything)
"raise the roof" he yelled
"yeah raise the roof!" I yelled back.
(unfortunately you need a health scare to repriortize.)
no thanks to the soap box.
having me rile against them won't make an ounce of difference.....
I'm in the front row
the front row with popcorn.
I get to see you
see you close up
oh the things I've done for you
many a sitch a friend a man's been left for you
oh the books I've read for you
the tongues I've bitten for you
many a new city for you
many a risk taken for you (not a single regret).

It feels like Sam: writing a letter to you, didn't make me feel any more peaceful... Being stuck, falling head over heels for someone and knowing that it won't work. Seeing their flaws and their perfections, and admiring them from up close. The idea of giving things up for someone who's too self-absorbed to realise, and not regreting it for an instant.


Also, I'd like to do a Chloe vid to I Was Hoping because it makes me think of the mature Chloe in TaraLJC's fic Sky Blue (which was wonderful. Loved Chloe thinking back to how young they were and how much they'd all matured.). First verse with Pete and his value system, second verse to Lex and his expectations of how the Luthor heir should be treated, and third verse to Clark's future judgemental role of Superman. There are some lines that I think would work really well.

I guess it's also a case of being affected by the idea of lowered expectations. Throughout the song, the girl's expectation and hopes are consistently lowered, as she realises that basically, she's outgrown these ideas.


I Was Hoping

As we were talking outside it was cold
we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
My wife is in the next room
we've been having troubles you know
please don't tell her or anyone
But I need to talk to somebody
You said wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was
five minutes before I died
I'd be filled with such regret before I took my last breath
and I said you're willing to tell me this now
And you're not going to die any time soon
And I said I haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything
and you said yes
But you've been wearing leather
and laughed and said we're at the top of the food chain
And yes you're still a fine woman and I cringed

I was hoping I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could be raw together

We left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said good-bye sir
thank you for your business sir
you're successful and established sir
and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir
And your money
and when I walked by they said thank you too dear
I was all pigtails and cords
And there was a day when I would've said something like
hey dude I could buy and sell this place so kiss it
I too once thought I was owed something

I was hoping I was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could crack each other up

I too thought that when proved wrong I lost somehow
I too once thought life was cruel
It's a cycle really
you think I'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you
I think you're insensitive and I don't feel heard
and I said do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental?
Fundamentally evil?
And you said yes
I said I don't believe in revenge
in right or wrong,
good or bad
you said "Well what about the man that I saw
handcuffed in the emergency room
bleeding after beating his kid
And she threw a shoe at his head.
I think what he did was wrong
and I would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.

I was hoping I was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping I was hoping we could be creamy together.