Random Jack (Amateur Comedy)

Ianto likes seeing live amateur comedy. Sitting at the back of a half-dark pub, drinking beer and watching would-be-comedians flounder on stage is his idea of a good time.

Whenever he suggests it, Jack tries to object. It's not that he doesn't like spending a night out with Ianto, or that he dislikes pubs, beer or the opportunity to sit in the almost dark and feel Ianto up under the table.

It's that the comedians aren't funny.

Their jokes are tired and obvious, old lines that Jack heard in the fifties, or jokes that are horribly crass, even by Jack's standards. Some of the comics are obnoxious and arrogant, all but insulting their audience; others are terribly shy, stuttering through their monologues. But none of them are funny.

He tries to point out that there's only a one in five chance of a jokes being vaguely amusing. There's a one in fifteen chance of them saying something that's worth a laugh. (Jack's counted, and this ratio is almost true.) There's a one in two chance of them saying something that'll make Ianto cringe.

But when Jack starts to argue that going somewhere else -- anywhere else -- would be a better night out, Ianto says, "Comedy needs to be supported," and smiles in a way that Jack finds irresistible.

There's frequently a kiss thrown in for good measure, Ianto's hand wandering down the front of Jack's shirt as he adds, "You don't mind, do you?"

It's terrible comedy, almost painful to sit through, but at the end of the night, Ianto will smile and say, "Thanks," and he might even let Jack molest him in an alley on the way home, so Jack always sighs and gives in.

But Amateur Night is never funny.