SN Ficlet: "Please Follow Instructions

[out_there]

Notes: Danny/Casey fluff. Inspired by celli, so it's all her fault.

***

Please Follow Instructions

When Dan got home, there was a bound folder sitting on his couch. He would have ignored it, but he was pretty sure it hadn't been there when he left for work that morning.

It was hefty, about fifty pages or so. And obviously not professionally printed. Flicking through the first page, Dan sniggered as he read the title. 'Living with Casey McCall: An Instruction Manual.'

He dialed Casey's number easily - he knew it off by heart these days - and waited for Casey to pick up. Instead, it went straight to Casey's machine. "Hi. You've reached Casey McCall. Please leave a message after the ton--beep!"

Dan rolled his eyes, and thought for the thousandth time that he needed to get Casey to fix that greeting. "Casey. Pick up."

It was still quiet.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up!"

There was a clattering as Casey fumbled with the machine. "Danny?" He sounded sleepy, but Dan wasn't fooled for a moment.

"Guess what I'm holding right now?"

"Is this a phone-sex thing?" Casey asked groggily.

"No."

"Huh."

"It's a manual thing," Dan said, flicking through the pages. He stopped to stare at the section subtitled 'Keeping A House Clean, And How To Do It.'

Casey chuckled. "You found it."

"I found it."

"Well, if that's all, Danny," Casey said mildly, "I think I'll go back to bed now."

Dan was still blinking at the detailed instructions for cleaning out a fridge. "Huh?"

"Night, Danny."

The dial-tone echoed in Dan's ear and he realised Casey had hung up. On him. He'd secreted an instruction manual into Dan's apartment, and then hung up on him.

Dan hit redial, and this time, Casey answered it right away. "Yes, Danny?"

"I'm holding an instruction manual, Casey."

"I already gathered that."

"Instructions on how to live with you."

"Thanks for clearing that up. I'd assumed you'd just finally found the instructions to your VCR."

"I don't need instructions for my VCR," Dan replied, shooting a quick glare at the piece of machinery in question. Not that it was about to disagree with him, but still.

"Yes, you do." Casey chortled. "You can't program your own VCR."

"Nobody over the age of twelve can program a VCR." Dan grinned. "That's why Charlie still programs yours."

Casey didn't deny that.

"Casey? That doesn't explain why I'm holding an instruction manual on living with you."

"I thought you wanted one."

Dan blinked. "What?"

"You said, and I quote, 'it's not like this stuff comes with an instruction manual.' Now it does."

Dan turned the folder over in his hands. He had a feeling he actually had said that. "So... You made an instruction manual?"

"Yeah."

"You know how incredibly... *weird* that is?"

Casey paused, and sounded just a little defensive. "I thought it would be useful."

"Useful?"

"Useful. Practical."

"I am holding an *instruction* *manual*," Dan said, hearing his voice reach hysterical volumes, "on *living* with *you*!"

"Danny, it was just a joke," Casey said quietly.

"No. It wasn't." Dan shook his head vehemently. "A one page email is a joke. A woopee cushion is a joke. A fifty page instruction manual - and it is fifty pages, because you've *numbered* them all - isn't a joke!"

"Danny--"

"This, this is effort," Dan interrupted earnestly. "This is time, and organisation, and, you know, *effort*. No one goes to this amount of effort for a joke."

"I could," Casey suggested hopefully.

"What I don't get about this? I mean, ignoring the fact that I'm holding a fifty page instruction manual on *you*," Dan said, slightly more calmly. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Why go to the effort of making this?"

Casey paused, and Dan could just picture his shrug. "I thought you wanted an instruction manual."

"It was an *expression*, Casey!"

"I thought it would be helpful."

Dan sighed. "Do you get the impression this conversation is going in circles?"

"I frequently get that impression from conversations with you."

"You made me an instruction manual," Dan repeated. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to get over the incredulous shock of that idea any time soon.

"Danny, you can always just throw it out." Someone who didn't know Casey probably wouldn't be able to recognise the seriousness in his tone. But Dan could.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no. *Effort* was put into this. I am reading this cover to cover."

Casey sniggered. "Danny, it was basically a joke. You don't have to read it."

Dan skimmed the chapter headings, and thought that he probably knew most of it. He certainly knew the 'Conversational Rules' section. "You know what I don't get?"

"What?"

"How come I'm the one seeing a therapist, and yet you're the one who's totally insane?"

"I hide it better?"

Dan snorted. "I have a fifty-page instruction manual that says differently, Casey."

"Can I go to sleep now?"

"Yeah," Dan said, shifting the phone against his shoulder. "I'm going to stay up and read a little."

"Oh, Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to read Chapter Thirteen," Casey said quickly. "Night."

"Night," Dan replied and hung up. He flipped over to the mentioned chapter, and didn't know whether to laugh or not. Either way, 'In The Bedroom' looked like interesting reading.

The End.

Comments

[justabi.livejournal.com]

Heeheeeheee.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

It amused me, too.

[justabi.livejournal.com]

That makes two of us who are easily amused. It's a good thing, too, because if I don't get fed amusing things regularly, I get all angsty and dramatic.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Well, it's just as well that made you laugh.

[justabi.livejournal.com]

I always appreciate a good laugh. :)

[oxoniensis.livejournal.com]

Ah, I love their circular conversations. And I would so love to take a peek at that manual!

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'm wondering just what it would say.

Of course, I'm also mentally giving Casey major points for having the self assurance to sit down and write it all up. *g*

[laylee.livejournal.com]

Oh, that made me laugh. I can imagine one would need an istruction manual to live with Casey. Well done!

[out-there.livejournal.com]

I can imagine one would need an istruction manual to live with Casey.

*giggles* I'd defend Casey, but it's kinda true. Thanks for commenting. I'm glad you liked it.