SN WIP: Homophobic - Part Eighteen
Jul. 28th, 2004 06:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
out_thereYowza. I've been working on this for *hours*. Oh well, at least we're approaching the finish line, now. The end is nigh, I tell you! Ideally, only one or maybe two more parts to go, and then boom! Done. (Apart from editing, and betaing, and all those other fun 'ings'.)
Anyway, as always, previous parts here. This part rated NC-17 for two-people porn.
***
Casey approached the next day in the same mindset he used to use for college midterms. He was there to do a job, to write a script and host an hour of television; he wasn't there to stuff around. He got in at eleven, and started on the script. By noon rundown, he was close to finished, or as close as he could be without the relevant scores.
The problem was that he was then left with seven hours to fill in until the next rundown, and nothing to really do. There was only so much time that could absorbed by proof-reading, so Casey took a pile of Olympics coverage tapes and hid out in the editing room.
He was fine for about an hour, and then Dana scurried in and threw herself on the couch. "Did you need something?"
"Me?" Dana shook her head. "No."
Casey raised an eyebrow.
"I'm absolutely fine," Dana continued. "I don't need anything. The day's going well." A shadow crossed the carpet as someone walked by outside and Dana slid down a little further on the couch. "And if that's Natalie, don't let her know I'm in here."
"You're hiding," Casey said slowly.
Dana shook her head. "No, not hiding. I'm just... avoiding a certain conversation."
"Should I even ask?"
"Apparently, I have missed opportunities."
Casey rolled his eyes. "Okay..."
"Apparently, over the last two weeks, I have missed my opportunity to become the next Mrs. McCall."
Casey snorted. "Natalie does understand that I didn't actually propose to you, right?"
"Apparently, that's because I missed my opportunity."
"Huh. You know, I didn't even see that opportunity go by."
Dana smiled and sat up a little on the couch. "See, I've been trying to tell her this. That we're not dating. That I'm happier not dating you. That the world makes sense as long as I don't consider you a romantic possibility."
"Dan mentioned that we've been spending a lot of time together," Casey said as he turned back to the screen.
Behind him, Dana snorted. "Like he'd know. He's slept most of the two weeks away."
"Exactly."
"Same goes for Natalie. She hasn't even been here. Just because we've gone out for lunch a few times does not make it a date. And it doesn't mean that you want to date me." Dana nodded at her own point, then started tapping her nails on the window frame. "Does it?"
Casey shook his head. "No. It just means that Natalie and Dan are busy-bodies."
"Yentas."
"Gossips."
Dana stood up, rocking back and forth on her feet. Casey wondered if that was hard to do in heels. "But there's no truth to it, right?"
"What do you mean?"
Dana bit her lip, and tugged at her shirt sleeve. "I mean, they're not seeing something that we're ignoring, right?"
Casey blinked at her, thinking about Dan's message. "What if they were?"
Dana shrugged, avoiding eye contact.
For a moment, Casey was tempted to say that Natalie was right, to say that Dan was right. That he'd been secretly dating Dana without noticing it. He couldn't help thinking it would be easy. So very easy to just say yes; to pretend that it was Dana who'd driven him nuts for the last two weeks, who'd taken over his fantasy life, who'd made him grin like an idiot whenever she smiled.
On the other hand, nothing was ever easy when it came to Dana.
Clearing her throat, Dana took a step towards him and then stopped. "I don't think they were right." She sounded uncertain and unsure, and he felt like the worse kind of louse for even thinking about taking advantage of her.
"No," Casey replied definitively. "They're putting two and two together and getting five, Dana. We know that we're just friends."
Dana nodded, and let out a long breath. "Yeah."
"We also know Natalie thrives on matchmaking. And Danny isn't much better."
As he watched her, Dana stood up taller and set her shoulders straight. "I think I need to have a firm talk with our Natalie."
"Can't hurt, although you know she's not likely to change. At all."
Dana laughed. "Well, if her mind was easily changed, she wouldn't be our Natalie."
***
Casey got home at two in the morning, and found himself wondering that it seemed so early. Obviously, he'd gotten too used to that second hour of broadcast.
He pressed the button on his machine on the way past, and Dan's voice crinkled out of the cheap speakers.
"Hey, Casey. I thought you were going to call me. Um... no big deal. I caught the show. It was good, but... you look a bit tired. Anyway, um... I didn't really have anything to say. Speak to you soon."
Casey shrugged off his jacket and then pulled his jeans off, and resolutely didn't reach for the phone. Instead, he went to bed nice and early, and spent the next couple hours resisting the urge to get up and play the message again.
***
Casey flopped into one of Isaac's chairs, enjoying Isaac's preference for comfort over form. "Jeremy said you wanted to see me?"
"Take tomorrow off."
"Isaac, I'm fine. I don't need--"
"Take tomorrow off," Isaac repeated, looking up from the report on his desk. "The Olympic coverage was good, the ratings were good and you look exhausted."
"What about the new network guidelines?"
"I spoke to the network. You know, they're currently very pleased with us," Isaac announced with a small grin. "We did better than expected with the Olympics, so I took advantage of being in their good graces, and pushed for the extra time off."
"They gave it to you?"
"A week off for everyone. Starting as soon as you like."
Casey grinned and settled into the chair a little. "Must feel strange."
"What?"
"Being in the network's good graces."
Isaac chuckled. "It is a bit unusual. But I could get used to it."
"I think we all could," Casey replied. He started to stand up. "Was that all?"
"Do the show tonight, and take tomorrow off," Isaac said with a wave of his hand. "And when you come back, hopefully you'll look slightly more alive than Frankenstein's monster."
"And to think," Casey said dryly, "I used to wonder how you managed to annoy the network execs so thoroughly."
"Get out."
***
The show went fairly smoothly. Slight hitch in the thirties, when Casey announced the Carolina Panthers as 'Caroline's Panthers', followed by the wrong voice-over in the forties; but other than that, it was fine.
He was just about to head home when Jeremy stopped him at the elevators, holding a pillow. "Hey, Casey? I think you forgot your pillow."
"It's Danny's," Casey replied, hitting the elevator button. "From naptime."
Jeremy used a finger to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Naptime?"
"Um... You don't want to know," Casey said finally. "Let's just say that without you and Natalie, this place gets even crazier."
"I honestly didn't think that was possible."
Casey laughed. "Believe me, it is."
"Okay, but still...?" Jeremy held up the pillow, complete with plain white pillow case. "Pillow?"
"I'll give it back to Dan," Casey replied, taking the soft object from Jeremy's hands.
"Okay." Jeremy still looked a little confused, but he wasn't going to ask why Dan had brought his pillow in. That was probably for the best. "I'll see you in a week?"
"In a week," Casey replied, stepping inside the elevator. After a few floors, he found himself staring at the pillow clutched to his chest. He had to return it to Danny, of course, but there was no point waking him up at this time of night. He might as well take it home and give it to Dan in the morning.
He felt a little silly hailing down a cab with a pillow in his arms, but it seemed less ridiculous than walking the streets of New York City with said pillow. Still, he was glad to get home.
He dumped it on his couch and then got ready for bed, but an hour later he still couldn't sleep. So he padded into the living room and turned on the TV.
He put his feet down, put his feet up, tucked them underneath his legs, but in the end, he found he was most comfortable stretched out on the couch, Dan's pillow under his head. He lay that way for twenty minutes, watching a repeat of an old basketball game, before he noticed how the pillow smelled like Dan. Vanilla and citrus and if he concentrated, the slightest hint of pears.
Casey vaguely wondered why he always thought of Dan's scent in terms of food, wondered if that was why it made his mouth water; made him want to rub his cheeks against the cotton pillowslip and just drown in that smell. He rolled over to his stomach, breathing in Dan, breathing in air-conditioning, and make-up remover, and nights spent driving in his car. Shifting against the cushions, Casey could feel himself grow hard.
Because, apparently, that was what he did these days. He thought of Dan and got hard. He thought of Dan's red lips and fine fingers, of Dan's arms and shoulders and neck, of the way Dan smelled, of the way he'd feel under Casey's hands, the way he'd taste under Casey's tongue, and then he ended up jerking off like some overgrown teenager. It was ridiculous and it was insane, and Casey's two weeks of insanity were supposed to be over, damn it.
Sitting up on the couch, he ran a hand through his hair roughly, trying to smooth away all thoughts of Dan.
He found himself glaring at the pillow. Without the pillow, he'd been fine. It had been two crazy weeks, and then he'd been fine, until the pillow came into his house. Casey had the irrational urge to rip it up, to tear its seams and spread its filling across the floor. But it was Danny's pillow.
And Jeremy knew he had it. Unless he wanted to explain why he'd destroyed a helpless pillow, he needed to return it in good condition.
He wouldn't be able to sleep with that pillow in his apartment. He knew it. So he did the logical thing: he decided to return the pillow now.
***
Dan let him in with a minimum of fuss, which Casey was grateful for. As soon as Dan opened the door, he shoved the pillow at him, wanting it as far away from him as possible. It was a Pillow Of Insanity. Or a Pillow Increasing The Length Of Insanity. Either way, it brought bad things.
Dan stared at it for a few moments as Casey stood outside his doorway. "It's my pillow."
"Yeah. You left it at the station."
"You didn't have to bring it back right away," Dan said slowly, turning the pillow over in his hands.
"Yeah, I did. I wanted to," Casey said as he tried not to look at Dan, not to focus on the old t-shirt and boxer shorts he was wearing. There was no point, and it made no sense and he was just here to return the pillow. "I wanted you to have it back."
"Come inside."
"I-- No, I'm fine," Casey said, backing away from the open door. "I just... wanted you to have that."
"To be honest, I'm just a little worried about you." Dan stepped into the corridor and placed a warm hand on Casey's arm. "Come inside and sit down."
Casey swallowed and desperately tried not to think about Dan's hands and Dan's bare skin. He let Dan lead him to the couch.
"What's going on, Casey?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." Dan didn't look convinced, so Casey added, "Absolutely nothing. Totally fine, Danny."
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Dan sat down beside him, watching him carefully. "Now what's going on?"
"I think-- I don't know-- I'm just..." Casey dropped his head to his hands and just wished for one complete sentence. "I think I'm going insane."
Dan laughed ruefully. "I think I know that feeling."
"No, I... I don't think you do."
"Casey," Dan said gently, leaning towards him, "tell me."
"I'm losing it, that's all. I'm just..." Casey trailed off, shaking his head because how do you tell someone that your nervous breakdown seems to come complete with overwhelming lust.
"It's okay," Dan tried to reassure him as he anchored a hand to Casey's thigh. Casey jumped off the couch quickly and started towards the door.
"Look, I'm probably fine. I just-- haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. That's probably all I need," Casey babbled frantically. "Just-- a good night's sleep and this'll be nothing. Less than nothing. I'll be fine."
Dan stood up. "Casey."
"I'll see you tomorrow and things'll be fine," Casey assured him hurriedly. "I just need a good night's sleep."
Casey spun around as Dan rested a hand on his shoulder. "Casey, stop. Are you--" He didn't hear the rest of Danny's question. The primary reason was that he was covering Dan's mouth with his own.
As far as kisses went, it wasn't the most suave or sophisticated kiss in the history of mankind. It was a little clumsy and a little desperate, and probably rated somewhere between passable and moderately good.
But the second kiss was better.
The second kiss was sucking at Dan's lower lip, biting down lightly, drawing the sensitive skin between his teeth. The third kiss was licking at Dan's mouth, licking his way inside and trying to taste every one of Dan's teeth. After the third kiss, Casey started losing count.
There was just the feel of Dan's lips and the rough scrape of stubble against Casey's mouth as he crowded Dan backwards, tight against the wall. Dan's hands settled on his shoulders, weakly pushing him away, but Casey didn't stop. He kept kissing Dan, pressing up against him in the most intimate of ways, and after a short moment, Dan's hands fell back to his sides.
Dan groaned as Casey rocked against him, perfect incentive to do it again and again, to suck on Danny's tongue as he ground their hips together. To feel Dan's cock harden against his own.
Casey grabbed at Dan's t-shirt, trying to pull it up and off and not really succeeding at either. Instead, he pushed at Dan's shorts until they were down around Danny's thighs. Dan hissed when he wrapped a hand around Dan's cock and Casey had to kiss him, had to swallow those sweet gasps as he stroked.
There was something perfect about it, even with Danny's shorts around his legs and his t-shirt rucked halfway up his chest. There was something right in the way that Dan groaned and twisted a hand in Casey's hair, in the way that Dan thrust against his hand, hot and demanding. There was even something right in the way that Dan's cock slid against Casey's palm, warm and slick with pre-come, familiar and not.
Casey dropped his head to Dan's shoulder, just to concentrate on it. On the slide of skin against his fingers; Dan's messy pants as he pressed his head against the wall; Dan's hands clawing against his shoulders, hard enough to bruise. He wanted to commit it to memory, every gasp, every groan, every roll of Dan's body against his. It was the type of thing that he wanted to remember years from now, to be able to look back and remember how Dan smelled, how Dan tasted, how he felt against Casey's skin.
To remember how it felt when Dan's thrusts became erratic, when Dan's groans became louder, when he shuddered and splattered against Casey's hand. He wanted to memorize the salty taste of Dan's neck and the sensation of Dan softening between his fingers.
It was too perfect to forget.
Then Casey realized that there was no way that Dan would forget it either, and Dan probably wouldn't remember it quite as fondly. The thought was terrifying enough to make Casey's cock wilt, to make Casey pull his hand away from Dan's skin and freeze.
With his face buried against Dan's shoulder, he counted time by his own shaky breaths and waited for Dan to do something. To push him away, to yell at him, to do whatever it is you do when your best friend backs you into a corner and starts jerking you off.
Casey suddenly realized he had no idea how Dan would react, absolutely no idea. But it was probably a fair bet that they weren't best friends anymore. "Oh, God."
Dan was still for a long time, his arms loosely wrapped around Casey's shoulders. When he did finally move, Casey was already picturing moving offices and wondering if Dan would still want to work with him. Dan dropped a hand to Casey's lower back, which didn't seem too bad a sign. He used the other hand to hike up his shorts, and then asked, "Casey?"
"Hm?" Casey responded quietly.
This time, Dan's voice was firmer. "Casey?"
Casey didn't move. "Yeah?"
Dan started rubbing his back; long, warm strokes up and down his spine. "I think you need to get some sleep." Dan turned his head towards Casey. Casey could feel Dan's lips move against his cheek. "And we need to talk about this in the morning."
Casey breathed in through his nose, and nodded against Dan's shoulder.
"It'll be alright," Dan said, moving a hand up to cup the back of Casey's neck. "I promise, Case. It'll be alright."
Casey nodded and had a sudden moment of knowing that it wasn't; that no matter what Danny said, he'd just screwed this up beyond recognition. Then, Dan pressed a chaste kiss against his cheek and said, "Come on."
"Huh?" Casey replied intelligently when Dan tapped his shoulder.
"To bed, Casey." Dan pushed him back lightly and Casey took a faltering half-step backwards. "You need to get some sleep."
"But..."
"Come on," Dan said again, and then took hold of his hand and pulled him away from the front door. Pulled him towards Dan's bedroom.
"Your bed?"
"My bed," Dan said, still pulling him along. When they got to the bedroom, Dan paused, glancing down. "And trust me, you want to change out of those clothes."
Casey looked down and understood Dan's point. His pants were wet, sticky with Dan's... "Um..."
Dan smiled. "You don't get to be modest now. Now is when you change out of those clothes, get into bed and get some sleep."
"Okay." Casey could feel the confused frown start to form on his face.
"Just trust me," Dan said, starting to push Casey's jacket off his shoulders. "Get undressed."
Casey nodded and followed Dan's instructions. His fingers felt fat and numb, and his movements were jerky, but eventually he was standing there in socks and boxers.
Dan just watched him quietly and Casey kept waiting for... something. For anger or outrage, for anything but this gentle calmness. "Now get into bed, Casey."
He got into the queen-sized bed, the left side because Danny always slept on the right and lay down. Dan turned out the lights and Casey felt the mattress move as he got into the other side of the bed. Dan wriggled around for a bit, obviously trying to get comfortable but after a few moments, he was still.
Lying straight on his back, Casey kept his hands against his sides, trying to take up as little space as possible. He kept watching the dark ceiling, wondering when this had happened, when he'd turned into this crazy guy who molested his friends in the middle of the night.
He hadn't even meant to do it, except he had done it and he'd loved every moment of it. He'd loved the warmth of Dan pressed against him, he'd loved every little sound that Danny made. He'd loved it, and he'd done it. And Casey had the sinking suspicion that he'd do it again, which meant that the one place he shouldn't be right now was Danny's bed.
And Dan... Dan didn't understand, obviously. Didn't get that Casey just didn't seem to have any control over this anymore. Swallowing, Casey thought that he should be making his excuses now, should be getting out of Dan's bed and out of Dan's flat and going home and... chaining himself to the bathroom, maybe. He shouldn't be here. He really shouldn't be here.
Dan rolled over and rested a cool hand against Casey's shoulder. "I swear I can hear the gears turning in your rectangular head."
"Yeah?" Casey asked, thinking that he shouldn't be here and Dan shouldn't be so close.
"They make a metallic dink-dink-dink sound," Dan replied and Casey laughed unexpectedly. "Go to sleep, Casey. We'll work it out in the morning."
"Danny, I didn't mean to, and--" Dan silenced him with a hand over his mouth, and Casey had to fight the urge to just lick.
"Go to sleep. Seriously. It'll be fine in the morning."
Casey shook his head as Dan pulled his hand away. "It won't be, Danny."
"Trust me," Dan said, settling his head against Casey's shoulder. There was something rather ironic about the fact that Casey had come to return a pillow and had ended up being used as one. "It'll be fine."
Dan shifted around, dragging one of Casey's arms around him. For his part, Casey let Dan rearrange him, let Dan get comfortable with a leg draped across Casey's knees and an arm wrapped around Casey's chest. He still felt nervous and jittery, but Dan slipped into sleep easily, his body relaxing as his breaths became deep and easy.
Casey lay there, certain he was going to be awake all night. He concentrated on the sound of Dan's breathing, on the movement of Dan's chest against him. Somehow, between one breath and another, he fell asleep.
***
Anyway, as always, previous parts here. This part rated NC-17 for two-people porn.
***
Casey approached the next day in the same mindset he used to use for college midterms. He was there to do a job, to write a script and host an hour of television; he wasn't there to stuff around. He got in at eleven, and started on the script. By noon rundown, he was close to finished, or as close as he could be without the relevant scores.
The problem was that he was then left with seven hours to fill in until the next rundown, and nothing to really do. There was only so much time that could absorbed by proof-reading, so Casey took a pile of Olympics coverage tapes and hid out in the editing room.
He was fine for about an hour, and then Dana scurried in and threw herself on the couch. "Did you need something?"
"Me?" Dana shook her head. "No."
Casey raised an eyebrow.
"I'm absolutely fine," Dana continued. "I don't need anything. The day's going well." A shadow crossed the carpet as someone walked by outside and Dana slid down a little further on the couch. "And if that's Natalie, don't let her know I'm in here."
"You're hiding," Casey said slowly.
Dana shook her head. "No, not hiding. I'm just... avoiding a certain conversation."
"Should I even ask?"
"Apparently, I have missed opportunities."
Casey rolled his eyes. "Okay..."
"Apparently, over the last two weeks, I have missed my opportunity to become the next Mrs. McCall."
Casey snorted. "Natalie does understand that I didn't actually propose to you, right?"
"Apparently, that's because I missed my opportunity."
"Huh. You know, I didn't even see that opportunity go by."
Dana smiled and sat up a little on the couch. "See, I've been trying to tell her this. That we're not dating. That I'm happier not dating you. That the world makes sense as long as I don't consider you a romantic possibility."
"Dan mentioned that we've been spending a lot of time together," Casey said as he turned back to the screen.
Behind him, Dana snorted. "Like he'd know. He's slept most of the two weeks away."
"Exactly."
"Same goes for Natalie. She hasn't even been here. Just because we've gone out for lunch a few times does not make it a date. And it doesn't mean that you want to date me." Dana nodded at her own point, then started tapping her nails on the window frame. "Does it?"
Casey shook his head. "No. It just means that Natalie and Dan are busy-bodies."
"Yentas."
"Gossips."
Dana stood up, rocking back and forth on her feet. Casey wondered if that was hard to do in heels. "But there's no truth to it, right?"
"What do you mean?"
Dana bit her lip, and tugged at her shirt sleeve. "I mean, they're not seeing something that we're ignoring, right?"
Casey blinked at her, thinking about Dan's message. "What if they were?"
Dana shrugged, avoiding eye contact.
For a moment, Casey was tempted to say that Natalie was right, to say that Dan was right. That he'd been secretly dating Dana without noticing it. He couldn't help thinking it would be easy. So very easy to just say yes; to pretend that it was Dana who'd driven him nuts for the last two weeks, who'd taken over his fantasy life, who'd made him grin like an idiot whenever she smiled.
On the other hand, nothing was ever easy when it came to Dana.
Clearing her throat, Dana took a step towards him and then stopped. "I don't think they were right." She sounded uncertain and unsure, and he felt like the worse kind of louse for even thinking about taking advantage of her.
"No," Casey replied definitively. "They're putting two and two together and getting five, Dana. We know that we're just friends."
Dana nodded, and let out a long breath. "Yeah."
"We also know Natalie thrives on matchmaking. And Danny isn't much better."
As he watched her, Dana stood up taller and set her shoulders straight. "I think I need to have a firm talk with our Natalie."
"Can't hurt, although you know she's not likely to change. At all."
Dana laughed. "Well, if her mind was easily changed, she wouldn't be our Natalie."
***
Casey got home at two in the morning, and found himself wondering that it seemed so early. Obviously, he'd gotten too used to that second hour of broadcast.
He pressed the button on his machine on the way past, and Dan's voice crinkled out of the cheap speakers.
"Hey, Casey. I thought you were going to call me. Um... no big deal. I caught the show. It was good, but... you look a bit tired. Anyway, um... I didn't really have anything to say. Speak to you soon."
Casey shrugged off his jacket and then pulled his jeans off, and resolutely didn't reach for the phone. Instead, he went to bed nice and early, and spent the next couple hours resisting the urge to get up and play the message again.
***
Casey flopped into one of Isaac's chairs, enjoying Isaac's preference for comfort over form. "Jeremy said you wanted to see me?"
"Take tomorrow off."
"Isaac, I'm fine. I don't need--"
"Take tomorrow off," Isaac repeated, looking up from the report on his desk. "The Olympic coverage was good, the ratings were good and you look exhausted."
"What about the new network guidelines?"
"I spoke to the network. You know, they're currently very pleased with us," Isaac announced with a small grin. "We did better than expected with the Olympics, so I took advantage of being in their good graces, and pushed for the extra time off."
"They gave it to you?"
"A week off for everyone. Starting as soon as you like."
Casey grinned and settled into the chair a little. "Must feel strange."
"What?"
"Being in the network's good graces."
Isaac chuckled. "It is a bit unusual. But I could get used to it."
"I think we all could," Casey replied. He started to stand up. "Was that all?"
"Do the show tonight, and take tomorrow off," Isaac said with a wave of his hand. "And when you come back, hopefully you'll look slightly more alive than Frankenstein's monster."
"And to think," Casey said dryly, "I used to wonder how you managed to annoy the network execs so thoroughly."
"Get out."
***
The show went fairly smoothly. Slight hitch in the thirties, when Casey announced the Carolina Panthers as 'Caroline's Panthers', followed by the wrong voice-over in the forties; but other than that, it was fine.
He was just about to head home when Jeremy stopped him at the elevators, holding a pillow. "Hey, Casey? I think you forgot your pillow."
"It's Danny's," Casey replied, hitting the elevator button. "From naptime."
Jeremy used a finger to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Naptime?"
"Um... You don't want to know," Casey said finally. "Let's just say that without you and Natalie, this place gets even crazier."
"I honestly didn't think that was possible."
Casey laughed. "Believe me, it is."
"Okay, but still...?" Jeremy held up the pillow, complete with plain white pillow case. "Pillow?"
"I'll give it back to Dan," Casey replied, taking the soft object from Jeremy's hands.
"Okay." Jeremy still looked a little confused, but he wasn't going to ask why Dan had brought his pillow in. That was probably for the best. "I'll see you in a week?"
"In a week," Casey replied, stepping inside the elevator. After a few floors, he found himself staring at the pillow clutched to his chest. He had to return it to Danny, of course, but there was no point waking him up at this time of night. He might as well take it home and give it to Dan in the morning.
He felt a little silly hailing down a cab with a pillow in his arms, but it seemed less ridiculous than walking the streets of New York City with said pillow. Still, he was glad to get home.
He dumped it on his couch and then got ready for bed, but an hour later he still couldn't sleep. So he padded into the living room and turned on the TV.
He put his feet down, put his feet up, tucked them underneath his legs, but in the end, he found he was most comfortable stretched out on the couch, Dan's pillow under his head. He lay that way for twenty minutes, watching a repeat of an old basketball game, before he noticed how the pillow smelled like Dan. Vanilla and citrus and if he concentrated, the slightest hint of pears.
Casey vaguely wondered why he always thought of Dan's scent in terms of food, wondered if that was why it made his mouth water; made him want to rub his cheeks against the cotton pillowslip and just drown in that smell. He rolled over to his stomach, breathing in Dan, breathing in air-conditioning, and make-up remover, and nights spent driving in his car. Shifting against the cushions, Casey could feel himself grow hard.
Because, apparently, that was what he did these days. He thought of Dan and got hard. He thought of Dan's red lips and fine fingers, of Dan's arms and shoulders and neck, of the way Dan smelled, of the way he'd feel under Casey's hands, the way he'd taste under Casey's tongue, and then he ended up jerking off like some overgrown teenager. It was ridiculous and it was insane, and Casey's two weeks of insanity were supposed to be over, damn it.
Sitting up on the couch, he ran a hand through his hair roughly, trying to smooth away all thoughts of Dan.
He found himself glaring at the pillow. Without the pillow, he'd been fine. It had been two crazy weeks, and then he'd been fine, until the pillow came into his house. Casey had the irrational urge to rip it up, to tear its seams and spread its filling across the floor. But it was Danny's pillow.
And Jeremy knew he had it. Unless he wanted to explain why he'd destroyed a helpless pillow, he needed to return it in good condition.
He wouldn't be able to sleep with that pillow in his apartment. He knew it. So he did the logical thing: he decided to return the pillow now.
***
Dan let him in with a minimum of fuss, which Casey was grateful for. As soon as Dan opened the door, he shoved the pillow at him, wanting it as far away from him as possible. It was a Pillow Of Insanity. Or a Pillow Increasing The Length Of Insanity. Either way, it brought bad things.
Dan stared at it for a few moments as Casey stood outside his doorway. "It's my pillow."
"Yeah. You left it at the station."
"You didn't have to bring it back right away," Dan said slowly, turning the pillow over in his hands.
"Yeah, I did. I wanted to," Casey said as he tried not to look at Dan, not to focus on the old t-shirt and boxer shorts he was wearing. There was no point, and it made no sense and he was just here to return the pillow. "I wanted you to have it back."
"Come inside."
"I-- No, I'm fine," Casey said, backing away from the open door. "I just... wanted you to have that."
"To be honest, I'm just a little worried about you." Dan stepped into the corridor and placed a warm hand on Casey's arm. "Come inside and sit down."
Casey swallowed and desperately tried not to think about Dan's hands and Dan's bare skin. He let Dan lead him to the couch.
"What's going on, Casey?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." Dan didn't look convinced, so Casey added, "Absolutely nothing. Totally fine, Danny."
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Dan sat down beside him, watching him carefully. "Now what's going on?"
"I think-- I don't know-- I'm just..." Casey dropped his head to his hands and just wished for one complete sentence. "I think I'm going insane."
Dan laughed ruefully. "I think I know that feeling."
"No, I... I don't think you do."
"Casey," Dan said gently, leaning towards him, "tell me."
"I'm losing it, that's all. I'm just..." Casey trailed off, shaking his head because how do you tell someone that your nervous breakdown seems to come complete with overwhelming lust.
"It's okay," Dan tried to reassure him as he anchored a hand to Casey's thigh. Casey jumped off the couch quickly and started towards the door.
"Look, I'm probably fine. I just-- haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. That's probably all I need," Casey babbled frantically. "Just-- a good night's sleep and this'll be nothing. Less than nothing. I'll be fine."
Dan stood up. "Casey."
"I'll see you tomorrow and things'll be fine," Casey assured him hurriedly. "I just need a good night's sleep."
Casey spun around as Dan rested a hand on his shoulder. "Casey, stop. Are you--" He didn't hear the rest of Danny's question. The primary reason was that he was covering Dan's mouth with his own.
As far as kisses went, it wasn't the most suave or sophisticated kiss in the history of mankind. It was a little clumsy and a little desperate, and probably rated somewhere between passable and moderately good.
But the second kiss was better.
The second kiss was sucking at Dan's lower lip, biting down lightly, drawing the sensitive skin between his teeth. The third kiss was licking at Dan's mouth, licking his way inside and trying to taste every one of Dan's teeth. After the third kiss, Casey started losing count.
There was just the feel of Dan's lips and the rough scrape of stubble against Casey's mouth as he crowded Dan backwards, tight against the wall. Dan's hands settled on his shoulders, weakly pushing him away, but Casey didn't stop. He kept kissing Dan, pressing up against him in the most intimate of ways, and after a short moment, Dan's hands fell back to his sides.
Dan groaned as Casey rocked against him, perfect incentive to do it again and again, to suck on Danny's tongue as he ground their hips together. To feel Dan's cock harden against his own.
Casey grabbed at Dan's t-shirt, trying to pull it up and off and not really succeeding at either. Instead, he pushed at Dan's shorts until they were down around Danny's thighs. Dan hissed when he wrapped a hand around Dan's cock and Casey had to kiss him, had to swallow those sweet gasps as he stroked.
There was something perfect about it, even with Danny's shorts around his legs and his t-shirt rucked halfway up his chest. There was something right in the way that Dan groaned and twisted a hand in Casey's hair, in the way that Dan thrust against his hand, hot and demanding. There was even something right in the way that Dan's cock slid against Casey's palm, warm and slick with pre-come, familiar and not.
Casey dropped his head to Dan's shoulder, just to concentrate on it. On the slide of skin against his fingers; Dan's messy pants as he pressed his head against the wall; Dan's hands clawing against his shoulders, hard enough to bruise. He wanted to commit it to memory, every gasp, every groan, every roll of Dan's body against his. It was the type of thing that he wanted to remember years from now, to be able to look back and remember how Dan smelled, how Dan tasted, how he felt against Casey's skin.
To remember how it felt when Dan's thrusts became erratic, when Dan's groans became louder, when he shuddered and splattered against Casey's hand. He wanted to memorize the salty taste of Dan's neck and the sensation of Dan softening between his fingers.
It was too perfect to forget.
Then Casey realized that there was no way that Dan would forget it either, and Dan probably wouldn't remember it quite as fondly. The thought was terrifying enough to make Casey's cock wilt, to make Casey pull his hand away from Dan's skin and freeze.
With his face buried against Dan's shoulder, he counted time by his own shaky breaths and waited for Dan to do something. To push him away, to yell at him, to do whatever it is you do when your best friend backs you into a corner and starts jerking you off.
Casey suddenly realized he had no idea how Dan would react, absolutely no idea. But it was probably a fair bet that they weren't best friends anymore. "Oh, God."
Dan was still for a long time, his arms loosely wrapped around Casey's shoulders. When he did finally move, Casey was already picturing moving offices and wondering if Dan would still want to work with him. Dan dropped a hand to Casey's lower back, which didn't seem too bad a sign. He used the other hand to hike up his shorts, and then asked, "Casey?"
"Hm?" Casey responded quietly.
This time, Dan's voice was firmer. "Casey?"
Casey didn't move. "Yeah?"
Dan started rubbing his back; long, warm strokes up and down his spine. "I think you need to get some sleep." Dan turned his head towards Casey. Casey could feel Dan's lips move against his cheek. "And we need to talk about this in the morning."
Casey breathed in through his nose, and nodded against Dan's shoulder.
"It'll be alright," Dan said, moving a hand up to cup the back of Casey's neck. "I promise, Case. It'll be alright."
Casey nodded and had a sudden moment of knowing that it wasn't; that no matter what Danny said, he'd just screwed this up beyond recognition. Then, Dan pressed a chaste kiss against his cheek and said, "Come on."
"Huh?" Casey replied intelligently when Dan tapped his shoulder.
"To bed, Casey." Dan pushed him back lightly and Casey took a faltering half-step backwards. "You need to get some sleep."
"But..."
"Come on," Dan said again, and then took hold of his hand and pulled him away from the front door. Pulled him towards Dan's bedroom.
"Your bed?"
"My bed," Dan said, still pulling him along. When they got to the bedroom, Dan paused, glancing down. "And trust me, you want to change out of those clothes."
Casey looked down and understood Dan's point. His pants were wet, sticky with Dan's... "Um..."
Dan smiled. "You don't get to be modest now. Now is when you change out of those clothes, get into bed and get some sleep."
"Okay." Casey could feel the confused frown start to form on his face.
"Just trust me," Dan said, starting to push Casey's jacket off his shoulders. "Get undressed."
Casey nodded and followed Dan's instructions. His fingers felt fat and numb, and his movements were jerky, but eventually he was standing there in socks and boxers.
Dan just watched him quietly and Casey kept waiting for... something. For anger or outrage, for anything but this gentle calmness. "Now get into bed, Casey."
He got into the queen-sized bed, the left side because Danny always slept on the right and lay down. Dan turned out the lights and Casey felt the mattress move as he got into the other side of the bed. Dan wriggled around for a bit, obviously trying to get comfortable but after a few moments, he was still.
Lying straight on his back, Casey kept his hands against his sides, trying to take up as little space as possible. He kept watching the dark ceiling, wondering when this had happened, when he'd turned into this crazy guy who molested his friends in the middle of the night.
He hadn't even meant to do it, except he had done it and he'd loved every moment of it. He'd loved the warmth of Dan pressed against him, he'd loved every little sound that Danny made. He'd loved it, and he'd done it. And Casey had the sinking suspicion that he'd do it again, which meant that the one place he shouldn't be right now was Danny's bed.
And Dan... Dan didn't understand, obviously. Didn't get that Casey just didn't seem to have any control over this anymore. Swallowing, Casey thought that he should be making his excuses now, should be getting out of Dan's bed and out of Dan's flat and going home and... chaining himself to the bathroom, maybe. He shouldn't be here. He really shouldn't be here.
Dan rolled over and rested a cool hand against Casey's shoulder. "I swear I can hear the gears turning in your rectangular head."
"Yeah?" Casey asked, thinking that he shouldn't be here and Dan shouldn't be so close.
"They make a metallic dink-dink-dink sound," Dan replied and Casey laughed unexpectedly. "Go to sleep, Casey. We'll work it out in the morning."
"Danny, I didn't mean to, and--" Dan silenced him with a hand over his mouth, and Casey had to fight the urge to just lick.
"Go to sleep. Seriously. It'll be fine in the morning."
Casey shook his head as Dan pulled his hand away. "It won't be, Danny."
"Trust me," Dan said, settling his head against Casey's shoulder. There was something rather ironic about the fact that Casey had come to return a pillow and had ended up being used as one. "It'll be fine."
Dan shifted around, dragging one of Casey's arms around him. For his part, Casey let Dan rearrange him, let Dan get comfortable with a leg draped across Casey's knees and an arm wrapped around Casey's chest. He still felt nervous and jittery, but Dan slipped into sleep easily, his body relaxing as his breaths became deep and easy.
Casey lay there, certain he was going to be awake all night. He concentrated on the sound of Dan's breathing, on the movement of Dan's chest against him. Somehow, between one breath and another, he fell asleep.
***
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 02:19 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting, even though you're sleepy! *hugs you*
no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 02:19 am (UTC)yeah.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 02:24 am (UTC)I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 09:29 am (UTC). . . but . . .
something was bothering me in Teh Sexx0r scene, and I just realized what it is: where's Casey's erection? Why isn't he rubbing against Danny while he's rubbing Danny, or something? If he doesn't get off, how can he lie down and not be, like, totally conscious that he didn't get off? Even if Casey's so completely focused on Dan during the sex that he isn't aware of the state of his own body, I think (being, like, a guy and all) he would be pretty damn aware once things cooled down a bit. And if the anxiety of the afterwards made him wilt, he'd be aware of that, too.
Just kind of has me scratching my head a bit, here.
Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 02:03 pm (UTC)Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 02:25 pm (UTC)*snickers*
Besides, it's Danny, and Danny Does Sex.
*laughs* Am I the only one suddenly thinking "Danny Does Dallas"? Ah, okay, it's just me.
Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 02:22 pm (UTC)Okay, ifrst of all, can I ask you how you mentally pronounce that? I just ask because I stare at it and read it as sex-or. Which is probably not right.
And if the anxiety of the afterwards made him wilt, he'd be aware of that, too.
Ding-ding-ding. There's your answer, but obviously I needed to make that a little more obvious. (Or, possibly, it was inside my head but never made it to the written word. Thanks for pointing that out.)
Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 09:57 pm (UTC)Well, it's what *I* say. Or think. Right? dunno.
Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 09:24 pm (UTC)Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 09:58 pm (UTC)Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 10:00 pm (UTC)Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 10:04 pm (UTC)See you tomorrow, or later today!
Re: I love you! I do!
Date: 2004-07-28 10:16 pm (UTC)*snickers* Yes, my sense of humour really is about twelve years old.
See you tomorrow, or later today!
Um, yeah. Sometime, at least. *g*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 07:41 am (UTC)He didn't hear the rest of Danny's question. The primary reason was that he was covering Dan's mouth with his own.
"They make a metallic dink-dink-dink sound,"
Great sex scene, too.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 01:10 am (UTC)