SN WIP: Danny in therapy fic - Part 3

[out_there]

Okay, last section is here.

***

"Hi, Danny." Abby's voice came down the telephone crisp and clear.

"Since you're expecting this call, I didn't want to disappoint you."

"How considerate of you."

"Well, I know I'm the highlight of your day," Dan replied smoothly.

"Did you want to come in?"

"Do you have time?"

Abby paused for a moment. "How about six tonight?"

"I have a rundown at eight," Dan said quickly, watching the busy bullpen through the glass wall. Casey was bent over Jeremy's desk, stabbing some report with his index finger. Apparently, there was a difference of opinion.

"So come in for a session at six. You should have plenty of time to get back."

"Yeah, but..."

"What?"

Dan shook his head. "I don't know, Abby."

"So I'll see you at six?"

"Sure." Dan glanced up, and saw Casey gesturing at him to come over. "I've got to go."

"I'll see you tonight."

***

"You look tired," Abby said as Dan collapsed into her couch.

He sighed. "I don't always sleep so well in hotel beds."

"I thought you had last night off?"

Dan nodded. "I was in Connecticut."

"You've been seeing your family on your days off?"

"It means I've been down there about two days a week. I should be down more often but..." Dan gave a tiny shake of his head. "The commute just kills me. It's like three hours there and another three back, and I've only got twelve hours off."

"Okay."

Dan rubbed his forehead. "I mean, I guess I could do it if I wasn't driving. But it would still be hard, and--"

"Danny," Abby interrupted. "You don't have to justify it."

"I feel like I should." Dan slouched further into the couch. "David lives a suburb away. Sue took her kids with her and she's staying with Mom. I drop in once a week."

"You don't live close to your parents. That distance is an obstacle. I'm sure they understand that."

"I-- It's just--" Dan stopped and tried to get his thoughts in order. "I've always been the prodigal son to Dad. I've always been the one that's out of touch, the one that's unreliable. The selfish one who never goes out of his way. I don't want Mom to think of me like that."

"I'm sure she doesn't."

"Then again, she's been living with Dad for a lot of years. She probably already knows I'm--"

"Danny," Abby said firmly, "does your Mom love you?"

Dan smiled. "Yes."

"Has she complained about you not being down more often? Has she asked you to take time off?"

"No, it's just--" Dan stopped when Abby held up her hand.

"Then I'm sure she understands." Abby shook her hair out of her eyes. "You need to be careful in this type of situation."

Dan snorted.

"You're under a lot of emotional pressure and so is everyone else in your family. Things can be misconstrued, comments can be taken out of context and you need to remember that," Abby explained. "The people who know us best can hurt us the most, and in situations like this, they don't really mean to."

"They don't, huh?"

"They don't, but it still hurts. I'm just saying don't let your issues with your dad affect the relationship with your mom. You know she loves you, you know she supports you. That isn't going to change just because you can't drop everything to be there right now."

Dan sighed. "I could drop everything. I could take time off and go down to stay with them like Sue has."

Abby picked up her pen and started twirling it through her fingers. Dan suddenly thought of marching bands and batons; the way Sue used to be able to throw the spinning stick into the air and catch it one-handed. "Why don't you?"

"I can't."

"Why not?" she asked.

"What?"

"Why can't you take the time off?"

"I just can't."

"Did Isaac say no?"

Dan shook his head. "No."

"Then why can't you take the time off?"

"I can't, Abby. I can't."

"If you can't take the time off," Abby said gently, "why do you feel guilty that you haven't?"

"I--" The couch was soft and comfortable, and right now, all Dan wanted to do was hide behind it. "I haven't asked Isaac. I could probably have the time off, but I'd have to ask Isaac. I'd have to tell him."

"And that would be bad?"

Dan nodded. "That's what I'm saying."

"Who have you told?"

"What?"

"Who knows about your father's health?"

"Well, you do."

"Who else?"

"All the family." Dan tried to grin. "There's a bunch of Rydell's sending him their best wishes. More cousins than I knew I had."

"Who else?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't know. I guess there's some friends of the family. And, you know, doctors and nurses."

"So you've only told one person?" Abby asked carefully. "Just me?"

"Abby, it's not something everyone needs to know."

"I'm not suggesting you take out an advert in the New York Post. I'm asking why you haven't told your friends."

"They don't need to know."

"Dan, do you remember when you first came to see me?"

"I remember not liking it very much," Dan said with annoyance. "And that hasn't changed."

"You complained about talking about your family. You told me you were closer to the people you worked with, so why did you have to talk about your family." Abby pierced him with a look. "Is that still true?"

Dan shrugged.

"Would you still say you're closer to your friends than your family?"

Dan shrugged again. "I see them more often."

"But are you emotionally closer to them?"

Dan stood up, glancing at his watch. "Look, I've got a rundown meeting. I've got to go."

"Sit down, Danny." He noticed that Abby didn't stand up. She just kept sitting at her desk, watching him in that unsurprised way she had. Just once, he'd like her to be shocked, he'd like her not to act as if she'd seen this before. As if she knew what he was going to say before he did.

"The rundown meeting doesn't start until eight," she said, shooting a meaningful glance at the clock. It wasn't even six thirty yet. "And I think you need to talk."

"I don't need to talk." He crossed his arms and leaned against her wall. He didn't have to sit if he didn't want to.

"Why did you call me?"

"I told you," Dan managed, "I didn't want to disappoint you."

Abby smiled. "Why did you really call me?"

There was a long silence. Eventually, Dan mumbled, "I just felt like I was going to snap at someone. And I thought if I snapped at anyone, it should be you."

"What actually happened to your dad?" Abby asked softly.

This time, the silence was longer. "He had a heart attack a couple weeks ago. They've tried putting him on medication and it's not working as well as they thought it would, so they booked him in for every test they could imagine."

"Do they know what's wrong with him?"

Dan tucked his chin against his chest. "Not really. The doctor said he might need surgery, bypass surgery or something else, but they don't know which would be better. And apparently some of the results were confusing, or conflicting, or something. We don't really know what's going on." He drew in a big breath and added, "It sucks, Abby. It really, really sucks."

"I can imagine." Abby gestured at the couch. "Do you want to sit down now?"

Dan shrugged, and then nodded. "Whatever."

"Do you want to know my advice?" Abby asked carefully after he'd sat down.

"I'm shelling out seven hundred dollars a month. It can't hurt."

"Tell your friends about this. Make it real."

Dan's head shot up. "What?"

"That's what you're doing, isn't it? Making it a little less real by keeping it separated from the rest of your life. Because if it's just me, it doesn't really count, right?"

He held his hands up in front of him, as if that would stop her. "Abby, I'm not--"

"You're not what? You're not spending your day making sure that nobody finds out? You're not putting as much effort as possible into appearing normal and keeping the people that care the most about you at a safe distance?"

"I just need a place where this isn't happening. What's wrong with me wanting to spend a few hours a day doing my job and not wondering if my dad's going to be alright?"

"Tell someone."

Dan shook his head. "It'd be too hard. I can't."

"Danny, the people you're not telling are the ones that would support you. They're your friends. They'd want to help."

"I don't need their help," Dan shot back angrily. "I can handle this."

"Except for the way that you're hiding from it," Abby pointed out far too calmly.

"Abby, I don't--" Dan realized he was shouting, and stopped. "I can do this without them."

"You don't have to."

"I don't have to be here, either," Dan said as he walked out her door.

She caught up to him in the empty waiting room. "Dan!"

"What?" he demanded, spinning around on his heel.

"You need to think about why you're hiding this." She didn't step any closer. "They're your friends. They're not going to hold it against you if you crack up a little over this."

Dan swallowed. "I can do this by myself."

"What about Isaac's stroke?"

"What?"

"Would you have preferred Esther to tell everyone that he'd just gone on holiday for a few months? Would you prefer not knowing about it until it was over, until after Isaac had recovered?"

"Of course not," Dan replied quickly.

"Why not?"

"Because." Dan sighed, realizing that Abby had switched the argument on him. "Fine. Because he's a friend and we all wanted to help him, in whatever way we could."

Abby nodded. "So?"

"So I'll think about telling them," Dan conceded. "I'm not promising anything, and it's not like they're could find the cure if I did tell them, but I'll think about it."

"Give it some serious consideration. And if you need to talk, you know my number."

Dan grimaced a little. "I'll see you on Tuesday."

***

Dan held the phone handset against his ear. "Hey, Abby."

"Hi, Dan," she replied. "I notice you're not here."

"That's why I called."

Abby sighed, a little show of frustration that made her reassuringly human. "Is there a reason you're calling me instead of coming into my office? Sessions are generally easier face to face."

"I'm in Connecticut."

"What happened?"

"Dad's results came in. He's booked in for surgery this week." Dan paused, looking around at his empty hotel room. "I took the week off."

"Ah."

Dan couldn't help grinning. "That's all you're going to say?"

"I'm waiting for you to talk, Danny."

"Ah," he mimicked.

"What's happened since I saw you?"

"This, that." Dan waved a hand at the beige-painted walls. "Regular stuff."

"Danny."

"It's just been...hectic. Kind of crazy." Dan sucked in a deep breath. "I don't think you'd believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"I told Natalie about Dad. And most of the office, actually. Including Isaac. Then I had an upset with Casey. And the results came in." Dan paused. "You know, when I say it like that, it doesn't sound like such a hectic few days."

"Then maybe you should tell me in more detail."

Dan sighed, and settled down on the double bed, too tired to argue. "Where do I start?"

"What happened first?"

"The thing with Natalie."

"Okay."

"She was trying to get a rematch on the 'Celebrities' game, because she'd been sabotaged."

"But Casey didn't, right?"

"Yeah. He played fair and square," Dan said, running a hand through his hair. "But Natalie wouldn't believe it."

***

"He didn't sabotage you," Dan repeated for the umpteenth time.

"He told me about the plan," Natalie replied, standing firmly in the doorway to the editing room, effectively trapping Dan inside.

"There was a plan. A cunning ploy. Casey refused to help."

"I'm supposed to believe that?"

Dan stared at her. "It's true."

"And him managing to foul up two turns in a row?"

"Is the way Casey plays," Dan replied earnestly. "You know that."

"I know that you're cunning and deceptive." Natalie strode into the room and closed the door behind her. Leaning against the closed door, she added, "And apparently, you'd go to any lengths to get your manhood back."

"Casey did his best." Dan rolled his neck around, really not in the mood for this. He'd seen Abby on Thursday, meaning that he hadn't been at his best that night. Now it was Friday, and all he wanted was to do a good show, but that wouldn't happen if Natalie didn't let him finish his script. "The one who sabotaged your team was you, by choosing Casey in the first place."

Natalie boggled at him. "You took Dana."

"And you took Casey. So suck it up and deal with the consequences." Dan shook his head and grabbed at his notes. "Now could you move? I do have a script to write."

"What crawled up your shorts and died?" Natalie demanded, refusing to move.

"Natalie, will you just--" Dan took a few steps towards her and nearly pulled her away from the door by force. He stopped guiltily, with his hands hanging just above her shoulders.

"Dan?" She swallowed, but other than that, she didn't back down at all. He had to admire that. "What's going on?"

He shook his head and took a quick step away. "Nothing, Nat. I'm just--"

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." He trailed off. He didn't mean to try to physically intimidate her, it wasn't the type of thing he'd do. But he almost had. "Sorry."

"You're sorry?" Natalie echoed. Then she shook her head quickly, and walked over to him. "What's going on? You've been... weird. For a while now. What is it?"

"It's--" Dan closed his eyes and shook his head, as if he could keep it away by sheer willpower. "I'm fine."

"You're really not." Natalie chuckled nervously. "I mean, you're normally not quite normal, but lately you've been..."

"What?"

"You've been really chirpy, Dan," Natalie said seriously, as if 'bright and cheery' wasn't her middle name.

"You're chirpy all the time," Dan shot back. He tried not to think about Abby's advice.

Natalie grinned. "That's different."

"Why?"

"I'm naturally chirpy. You? Not so much."

"Natalie, I'm--"

"Don't lie to me, Dan Rydell. I will find out about it and I will make you pay."

Dan swallowed. Suddenly, his words came out in a rush. "I'm just worried about my dad. He had a heart attack and they say it's serious and it could get worse, fast, and there's nothing I can do about it, Natalie."

Her ferocious expression crumpled into a worried frown. "Oh, Danny." Then she was holding him tight and he was so close to tears it was embarrassing. He really hoped Abby was right about this stuff.

He buried his face against her shoulder and muttered, "It's okay. It's not a big deal. Really."

"It's your father," she replied softly. "Of course it's a big deal."

"It's one guy." He pulled back, blinking away the excess moisture in his eyes. "It's not going to stop the world from turning."

"When did you find out?"

Dan shrugged. "A couple weeks ago."

Natalie's mouth tightened. Then she hit him, *hard*. "Moron."

"Hey!" Dan rubbed his arm. "What was that for? Where's the comfort and sympathy?"

Natalie glared at him. "If you'd told us sooner, that wouldn't have happened."

"That's supposed to be incentive to tell you?"

"Pain avoidance usually is," Natalie replied firmly. Then she grinned at him, a classic Natalie Hurley 'Spill the Beans' Special. It made this seem a lot easier.

"It happened three weeks ago."

"And you were too much of a moron to mention it?" she asked, rather fondly.

"Pretty much."

"So what's happening?"

"Lots of tests, trying to figure out how to deal with it." Dan shrugged. "At the moment, we're waiting on results."

"Medication?" Natalie asked, frowning at her clipboard. "Or surgery?"

"The medication doesn't seem to be doing the trick. So..."

"You're waiting on test results."

"And then, it's probably surgery." Dan swallowed. "I've got Monday off, so I'll go down and see them then, but… At the moment, there's not much anyone can do."

"We could send flowers," Natalie suggested.

Dan actually sniggered. "My dad's not much of a flowers-guy."

Natalie grinned. "We'll send them to your mom, then."

"Okay."

"I'll get Kim to give me a hand--" Natalie stopped, and blinked at Dan. "Does Kim know? If not, I'll get Jeremy to help."

"Jeremy doesn't know either."

"Huh," Natalie replied. "Do you want me to tell him?"

"You might as well," Dan said, feeling like a coward. "I've basically only told you."

Natalie nodded, obviously understanding. "It's hard to tell people this stuff. I can let everyone know, if you want."

"Thanks." Dan glanced over as Jeremy tapped on the glass window. "Apparently, we're needed." He walked over and held the door open for Natalie.

"You know," Natalie said, as she paused in the doorway, "this is the type of thing friends gear up for."

Dan smiled, and it was the closest he'd felt to normal for days. "I might have heard that somewhere before."

***

"So Natalie told everyone?" Abby asked.

Dan nodded, and then realized she wouldn't be able to see that all the way from Manhattan. "Yeah."

"How did they react?"

"It was… weird. Good, but weird," Dan clarified. "Kim hugged me at the craft services table, which is always enjoyable. Jeremy said he'd keep Dad in his prayers. Everyone stopped by to say something."

"So it wasn't as hard as you thought it would be?"

"Your advice wasn't totally insane," Dan admitted. "The next day, Dana talked to me in the editing room and told me about her uncle. He had a heart attack fifteen years ago and had to have a triple bypass. She said he's still alive now, drinking and smoking just as much as he ever did."

"That's reassuring."

"Then she told me that she didn't visit him much, because he has a huge fish tank and it really freaks her out and I couldn't stop humming that 'Little Fishies' song for the next hour."

Abby laughed. "How did she take that?"

"I stayed away from her," Dan admitted. "Sat in the office until I stopped humming it. Drove Casey a little mad, but he eventually found something else to do."

"And Isaac?"

"He asked me into his office and said a lot of wise things that made me wonder why I didn't tell him earlier." Dan frowned, remembering that vague feeling of shame. "He also said I could have time off. That when I needed it, to give him a day's notice and he'd organize it. You know, I talk to him every day, but sometimes I forget how much of a good man Isaac is. I don't give him enough credit."

"I think you do," Abby said softly. Then, she asked, "What about Casey?"

"What about him?" Dan stalled, wondering if he could claim someone was at the door. Probably not.

"How did he react to the news?"

"Casey likes being a little different."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that if everyone else reacts well, Casey likes to be," Dan paused, searching for the right word, "different."

"How, exactly, did he react?"

"In Casey's defense, he had good reason, so it's not--"

"How did he react?"

"Well, it happened on Sunday."

***

"You know what I really like about you, Dan?"

Dan should have heard the warning in Casey's tense tone, or seen the tight expression on his face. Unfortunately, he was in the middle of writing a sentence, so he wasn't paying enough attention to notice either. "What?"

"Your unflinching *honesty*."

Dan blinked, and looked up. Then he saw the warning signs. "What are you talking about?" he asked warily.

"I love the way that as your best friend, you tell me things. You confide in me," Casey said sarcastically. "So I don't have to rely on office gossip to know what's going on with you."

Dan winced. "You heard?"

Casey smirked. It wasn't a nice expression. "You know who told me?"

"Who?"

"Chris. Who'd heard it from Will, who heard it from Dave, who'd heard it from Kim, who'd heard it from Jeremy, who'd heard it from Natalie." Casey stood back, glaring at Dan. "Is there anyone who didn't know? Apart from me, of course."

"Elliot?" Dan tried hopefully.

"Nope, he knows. Trust me, he filled me on the details." Casey shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you didn't tell me."

Dan shrugged. "So?"

"So, I'm your best friend. This is the stuff you're supposed to tell me," Casey replied. "I shouldn't be the last person in the office to know."

"Feeling a little left out of the loop?" Dan asked bitterly, because it was far easier to be angry than to apologize.

"I *was* left out."

"Poor you," Dan spat back.

Casey clenched his jaw. "Obviously, our friendship isn't as close as I thought it was. Excuse me for thinking that as your best friend, I'd mean anything to you."

"I'm not Lisa, okay?" Dan stood up, too furious to think about what he was saying. "I'm not going to fall apart. I don't need you to hold it together for me, Casey."

"Maybe not this time," Casey muttered and then strode out the door. Dan didn't try to hear what else Casey mumbled under his breath.

***

Dan listened to Abby take a deep breath. "Why didn't Natalie tell him?"

"She thought he already knew."

"And you thought she told him?"

Dan nodded. "Yeah."

"You didn't wonder why he didn't say anything to you about it?"

"I thought he just, you know, didn't know what to say," Dan lied. "I mean, it's not his fault. He had a valid reason for being annoyed."

"It's not the ideal reaction to finding out that your father's ill," Abby said slowly.

"But it's Casey. I love the guy dearly, but he gets a little blindsided by his own ego." Dan shrugged. "Sometimes he just forgets that there are other people in the room."

"Like you?"

"That didn't come out right," Dan said quickly. "Casey's got a good heart, but he sometimes gets distracted."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Would you consider him family?"

Dan was surprised by the question. "Casey?"

"Yeah."

Dan frowned. "Sort of."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think of Charlie as family, so I guess that Casey would be by extension. Maybe. But not really."

"Charlie's family?"

"I'm his uncle," Dan explained. "We agreed on that years ago."

***

Dan felt a tug on his jacket sleeve, and looked down to find Charlie smiling up at him. He absently wondered if Charlie would ever grow into his front teeth. Then he felt a little guilty for it.

"Uncle Danny?"

The kid looked serious, so Dan squatted down to talk to him face to face. "Yes, Charles?"

"You're not Mom's brother, are you?"

Dan barked out a surprised laugh. "Definitely not."

Charlie frowned. "And I know you're not Dad's brother, so how are you my uncle?"

"Um." Dan stalled for time and Charlie continued, blathering on in true McCall fashion.

"We've been doing families at school. We talked about brothers and sisters, and moms and dads, and uncles and aunts. And grandparents, too," Charlie finished with a definite nod. "So if your uncle is either your mom's brother or your dad's brother, how come you're my uncle?"

Dan had to appreciate the logical reasoning of a five year old. "Technically, I'm not."

"But I call you Uncle Danny."

"Well, yeah, but..." Dan scratched the back of his head, not quite sure how to explain. After all, Casey had been the one to start that. When Dan had queried the sudden inclusion into the McCall family tree, Casey had just shrugged and said that 'Uncle Danny' had a certain ring to it. "Your dad said I could be your uncle anyway."

Charlie blinked, thinking carefully. "Don't you have any," he paused, trying to remember the right words, "nephews or nieces of your own?"

"I have two nieces," Dan replied, thinking of David's girls, "but I don't get to see them much."

"Why not?"

Dan avoided the truth. "They live in New York. All of my family lives up there."

"Is it very far away?"

"Uh-huh."

"More far away than Grandma's place?" Lisa's mom lived about four hours drive out of Dallas. It was probably the furthest Charlie regularly traveled.

"Much further away."

"Oh." Charlie was quiet for a moment, probably trying to imagine a place further away than Grandma's. "Do you miss them?"

"I kind of have a family here. I have you, and your dad and Dana," Dan carefully didn't mention Lisa. "So I don't miss them too much."

"Even though we're not really your family?"

"Even though."

"Huh."

Dan stood up, stretching his legs. "So, Charles, are you still going to call me Uncle Danny?"

"I don't think so," Charlie said carefully.

Dan forced a small grin. "What are you going to call me?"

"Just Danny. Like Dad does," Charlie added with something very close to hero-worship. Charlie adored his father. It was obvious every time Casey made a show of listening to him, or played catch with him, or told Charlie suitably simplified stories about Lone Star.

And that adoring expression always made Dan melt a little. "Sure. Just like your dad."

"But you'll still be my uncle, right?"

"You know it." Dan gave Charlie's shoulder a quick squeeze. "You can't kick me out of your family that easily."

Charlie beamed. "Good."

***

Abby laughed. "What an adorable kid."

"Isn't he?" Dan asked proudly.

"Definitely," Abby agreed. "So what about Casey?"

"He's my best friend."

"Do you think of him as a brother?"

"Abby, I have broth--a brother. Trust me, Casey's nothing like David."

"Is he like Sam?" Abby asked mildly, and Dan wondered if she was building to something or just curious.

"A little. I mean, they're both language nerds and neither of them have ever been anywhere near cool, but not really."

"Okay."

Dan toyed with the bedspread. "Why do you ask?"

"You're very close to him. I was wondering how you saw that relationship."

Dan took a careful breath. "He's my best friend."

"Sure," Abby said, and he could clearly hear the disbelief in her tone. "Did Casey apologize?"

"For Sunday?"

"For Sunday."

"We worked it out."

"How?"

"Um," Dan glanced at the silent door, forgetting for a moment that Abby couldn't see him. "Abby, I've got to go. There's someone at the door."

"Call me back," Abby said firmly.

"I don't know how long this will take."

"Then call me back tonight. Anytime after seven."

"On this number?"

"Yeah."

The empty hotel room suddenly seemed cavernous. "Sure."

***

Comments

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Ending on a cliffhanger-y thing means you have to update soon, you know.

But not necessarily before you do your homework, OK?

[out-there.livejournal.com]

But not necessarily before you do your homework, OK?

Okay. See, that's why I stopped there. I couldn't stop midway through a Dan&Abby conversation, but I didn't have the time/energy to get through the next bit. But be assured, I know what's going to happen. I just need time to write it down.

[celli]

Yeah, I knew Casey would wig. *smacks him a la Natalie*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

*protects Casey*

Yes, but you saw a later bit. Casey doesn't tend to be that supportive unless he's wigged first.

[snoopypez.livejournal.com]

Oh, LOVE. Natalie. heart. And the use of that lovely frineds line. :D So much love.

"Then she told me that she didn't visit him much, because he has a huge fish tank and it really freaks her out and I couldn't stop humming that 'Little Fishies' song for the next hour."

Heeeeeee!

[out-there.livejournal.com]

And the use of that lovely frineds line.

I love that line. I love the way Danny says it to her, and the way that it's so very heartfelt and simple. I simply had to use it again.