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thete1's post and last years version of this meme.
Since I'm lazy and have a dodgy memory (I'm supposed to remember back to January? you're kidding, right?), fics "written this year" meansthose posted (in thier final form) to LJ this year. That way, I can use LJ to remember for me. No, that's cheating. Last year, I defined it as "wips completed, if not edited/betaed", so for the sake of consistency, we'll apply that meaning here as well.
Stories written:
9 SGA
4 WW
12 SN (I can't quite remember what was written in 2004 and not beta'd, and what was written in 2005, so this could be out by a little.)
In conclusion: I wrote 25 stories this year, which is way down on last year's 60 (but 45 or so of those were in SN). It's interesting that two years in a row, I've written approximately 14 stories in non-SN fandoms, and the rest in SN output. It makes it clear that it's the number of SN stories that has dropped, but Not Homophobic was in various stages of editing/beta until June (even though it was finished in 2004) and Like Sailing and Home Runs was posted in August. Those were both huge stories (over 60,000 words each), taking up a lot of mental space. They also said a lot about the characters -- in a way, those two stories serve as my manifesto on who Casey and Dan are -- and at the moment, I don't have a lot *left* to say about them.
Also, we can clearly see that despite it's flaws, SGA is the New Shiny. The plots are dodgy, the technobabble has no scientific basis and the characters emotional continuity is shaky at best. But it does leave me a lot of room to play in. I foresee that I'll probably stick around for the next year or so before the lack of quality leaves me sickened of writing these characters. (Don't get me wrong, I love them quite a bit now. But it's not quite at my level of deep, abiding fondness for Dan and Casey, so I don't know if it will last the long haul.)
Best Story: That's easily Like Sailing and Home Runs. Not just because of the length of it, which required a devotion of time and thought, but also because of the structure and the themes. The structure was unusual and unweildy because it was trying to mimic "Ten Wickets" (I think) and the pattern of Dan in therapy -- where he says one story, and flashes back to it, but doesn't reveal the *truth* of the situation until afterwards. It's an epiosde that's told in self-deception and careful avoidance, and I think that I managed the same trick in the story -- without it being confusing or impossible to follow chronologically.
I like the romance in it -- because Casey/Dan is my OTP of hope -- but I also like the themes of acceptance, of denial: punishing yourself without acknowledging it; trying to come to terms with losing someone close to you; the pain of realising and accepting that people you love are flawed, human and imperfect; understanding that resolving emotional issues doesn't leave you perfect and adjusted, it just leaves you *less* wounded; even the way that attitude -- having hope and optimism is so important -- makes such a difference to your world.
Honestly, it's not a character-study so much as a character-manifesto pretending to be a gay romance. It's a story that says a lot -- a lot that I'm honestly proud of -- and it's the type of idea I wish I could get about original characters, because I'd totally try writing a novel and selling it.
Favourite Story: I could point above, butthete1 is right that these memes are more interesting when authors point to more than one story. So... hmmm.
I could say Sweet Music in the Back of My Mind because it's happy and I like it, and it was written specifically forcelli, but it was half-written in 2004, so that feels like cheating. Instead, I'll say SGA's Words and Notes which is short and possibly not the best story I've ever written, but it's a personal favourite. I loved playing with the idea of both John and Rodney thinking of the other in childhood terms, in reference to the things they loved (before the adult concerns of natural ability and talent and chances of success came into the equation). Also, it makes me smile.
Most fun story: The crackfic of rodney with butterfly wings, In Shades of Indigo and Violet which was silly and fun and hot. And wings!
Sexiest story: Kisses: Imaginary because boys making out is hot. I mean, yes, out of three AU scenes, only one person gets to come, but I still think it's the sexiest story I've written this year.
Honorable mention: Three Score and Soemthing because the idea of Dan and Casey as grandparents (and still together) pleases me no end. When I say they're my OTP of hope, this is what I mean. *This* is how I see them growing old: with each other.
Best lines: I'll say the line in Like Sailing and Home Runs, which truned out to be the most perfect summary line *ever*: "Let's see." Dan ran a hand through his hair. "One guy freaks about his father dying, seduces his -- let's not forget, straight -- best friend, and then freaks out during sex. It's not exactly the plot to The Best Romance Novel of All Time."
Also, from Shimmering Neon through the Streets because it was my chance to let out my inner-poet: Danny should smell brilliant and unworldly, like an overcast winter's day: all silvered light and the tingling promise of rain.
And from Perfection (Comparisons Are Odious Remix) because it still makes me giggle: "The photocopier didn't give me a black eye," Sam objected quickly. "It was the fax machine."
Best scene: Easy choice. It's the scene in "Like Sailing and Home Runs" where Dan confronts his father and apologises for Sam's death. That scene *gets* me, you know? It made me choke up when I wrote it and when I edited it, and if I'm in a very emotional mood, it'll still get to me. When I first wrote it, I wasn't sure if it worked so I sent it tocelli for a second opnion, and she told me "It's the best thing you've ever written." I still think she's right.
Favourite scene: Casey approaching Dan in Shimmering. I made a concerted effort to concentrate on images, to try to mimic visual writers likeslodwick and oxoniensis who can really *show* you the scene. It possibly could have been written better (there are some moments in the narrative where the scene inside my head doesn't quite match the words on the screen, and I can't explain where or how) but it does achieve a nice, poetic atmosphere:
Tiny alley, lit by residual glows of neon, brick walls covered in bold graffiti, and leaning against the riot of color was Danny: dark hair, dark eyes, dark T-shirt; one sneaker-clad foot flat against the wall, one denim-covered leg pointed at Casey like an arrow. He looked stark and unreal, like a picture taken with too much contrast, like a dream so vivid you could feel it snaking across your skin.
Hottest scene: The msut scene(s) from Sweet Music in the Back of My Mind. There's a passivity to Casey, there's a solid tenderness to Dan's actions, and there's something about both of those scenes that hit my buttons hard.
Most unintentionally 'telling' story: Probably Back to the Old Ways, although I can't say *why*. All I know is that this line -- For once, Rodney understands: knowing what you've lost, what you can't have, doesn't make life any easier. -- strikes me an unbearable *true*. It's actually the summary to the entire story, the whole theme behind it, although I didn't realise until I read it a month or more after posting it.
I have a suspicion that it says a lot about my approach to life, my habit of avoiding life-experiences in order to avoid upset/conflict/difficulty. My tendency to happily sit and defend my rut, because trying and losing is too much, too hard, would cut too deep.
Yeah. That's something I need to work on.
Hardest to write: Cold Around the Edges. The idea was easy, was immediate, and then I had to find technobabble to back me up, to defend it (and after re-watching episodes, I know the technobabble doesn't stand up to SGA canon, let alone common sense), but it was the emotional impact that I had more trouble with.
Self-sacrifice for the greater good is something that appeals to me, it's one of those huge, epic things that heroes do. Something that I'd never, ever consider doing myself. It's something that SGA does fairly well ("Before I Sleep", "Grace Under Pressure", "The Hot Zone" are just a few that have characters sacrificing themselves to save others) and something that makes a huge impact in a story. Turns out, it's also a *bitch* to write. You spend hours wondering if your characterisation works, if the pacing is consistent, if it makes sense, if it holds together as a story, if anyone will want to read it.
Basically, this is a story that made the Fraud Muse damn loud.
"Holy crap, that's *wrong*, even for you" story: Protect Me from What I Want, which I mentally think of as "the wrong-smut fic". It gave me a chance to play with pairings I'd usually never consider (Casey/Rebecca, Dana/Casey/Dan, Dan/Charlie) because I know they wouldn't work. It also gave me a chance to explore the reasons and the ways that people do stupid, confusing things for all the wrong reasons. (And, huh, made me write a graphic het sex scene. I think it's the only time I've ever done that.)
Also, it's a happy ending, but I'm the only one who seems to get that. Okay, it's not a Casey/Dan happy ending, but it's a story where the characters walk away smarter and without any major scarring, where they have more understanding of their own needs, relationships and situations, and can grow to be happy with someone else. I think that's a happy ending. (Mind you, I also loved the way thatrageprufrock's John/Rodney break up fic ended, because Rodney and John couldn't be happy together, but they were obviously going to grow to be happy with new people. *Obviously.*)
Worst story: I'm kind of stumped here, which probably says a lot about my personal arrogance (or the way I think most of my fics hit a certain level, and there's only the occasional one that stands out). Hmmmm. Yeah, actually, there are some that I think could be smoother, could be clearer, but there aren't any that I'm actually ashamed of or think don't work to an acceptable level.
Goals for writing in 2006:
- To finish the wips that having been sitting on my harddrive forever. I have wips in QaFUS and DCU that weren't quite my fandoms and that I never even opened again. I have a beta'd story in SV that I keep meaning to fix. I think it would be nice to cut down on the umber of constantly-not-quite-stories sitting in my "in progress" folder.
- To stop delaying the betaing process so much. I get lazy about my stuff, and don't send it to beta. Or it comes back and sit on the file instead of doing the painstaking editing stuff and having it done. I'd like to get into the process of getting stuff edited and posted within a reasonable timeframe (instead of months, because I got distracted by some new shiny fic idea).
thete1's post and last years version of this meme. Since I'm lazy and have a dodgy memory (I'm supposed to remember back to January? you're kidding, right?), fics "written this year" means
Stories written:
9 SGA
4 WW
12 SN (I can't quite remember what was written in 2004 and not beta'd, and what was written in 2005, so this could be out by a little.)
In conclusion: I wrote 25 stories this year, which is way down on last year's 60 (but 45 or so of those were in SN). It's interesting that two years in a row, I've written approximately 14 stories in non-SN fandoms, and the rest in SN output. It makes it clear that it's the number of SN stories that has dropped, but Not Homophobic was in various stages of editing/beta until June (even though it was finished in 2004) and Like Sailing and Home Runs was posted in August. Those were both huge stories (over 60,000 words each), taking up a lot of mental space. They also said a lot about the characters -- in a way, those two stories serve as my manifesto on who Casey and Dan are -- and at the moment, I don't have a lot *left* to say about them.
Also, we can clearly see that despite it's flaws, SGA is the New Shiny. The plots are dodgy, the technobabble has no scientific basis and the characters emotional continuity is shaky at best. But it does leave me a lot of room to play in. I foresee that I'll probably stick around for the next year or so before the lack of quality leaves me sickened of writing these characters. (Don't get me wrong, I love them quite a bit now. But it's not quite at my level of deep, abiding fondness for Dan and Casey, so I don't know if it will last the long haul.)
Best Story: That's easily Like Sailing and Home Runs. Not just because of the length of it, which required a devotion of time and thought, but also because of the structure and the themes. The structure was unusual and unweildy because it was trying to mimic "Ten Wickets" (I think) and the pattern of Dan in therapy -- where he says one story, and flashes back to it, but doesn't reveal the *truth* of the situation until afterwards. It's an epiosde that's told in self-deception and careful avoidance, and I think that I managed the same trick in the story -- without it being confusing or impossible to follow chronologically.
I like the romance in it -- because Casey/Dan is my OTP of hope -- but I also like the themes of acceptance, of denial: punishing yourself without acknowledging it; trying to come to terms with losing someone close to you; the pain of realising and accepting that people you love are flawed, human and imperfect; understanding that resolving emotional issues doesn't leave you perfect and adjusted, it just leaves you *less* wounded; even the way that attitude -- having hope and optimism is so important -- makes such a difference to your world.
Honestly, it's not a character-study so much as a character-manifesto pretending to be a gay romance. It's a story that says a lot -- a lot that I'm honestly proud of -- and it's the type of idea I wish I could get about original characters, because I'd totally try writing a novel and selling it.
Favourite Story: I could point above, but
thete1 is right that these memes are more interesting when authors point to more than one story. So... hmmm.I could say Sweet Music in the Back of My Mind because it's happy and I like it, and it was written specifically for
celli, but it was half-written in 2004, so that feels like cheating. Instead, I'll say SGA's Words and Notes which is short and possibly not the best story I've ever written, but it's a personal favourite. I loved playing with the idea of both John and Rodney thinking of the other in childhood terms, in reference to the things they loved (before the adult concerns of natural ability and talent and chances of success came into the equation). Also, it makes me smile.Most fun story: The crackfic of rodney with butterfly wings, In Shades of Indigo and Violet which was silly and fun and hot. And wings!
Sexiest story: Kisses: Imaginary because boys making out is hot. I mean, yes, out of three AU scenes, only one person gets to come, but I still think it's the sexiest story I've written this year.
Honorable mention: Three Score and Soemthing because the idea of Dan and Casey as grandparents (and still together) pleases me no end. When I say they're my OTP of hope, this is what I mean. *This* is how I see them growing old: with each other.
Best lines: I'll say the line in Like Sailing and Home Runs, which truned out to be the most perfect summary line *ever*: "Let's see." Dan ran a hand through his hair. "One guy freaks about his father dying, seduces his -- let's not forget, straight -- best friend, and then freaks out during sex. It's not exactly the plot to The Best Romance Novel of All Time."
Also, from Shimmering Neon through the Streets because it was my chance to let out my inner-poet: Danny should smell brilliant and unworldly, like an overcast winter's day: all silvered light and the tingling promise of rain.
And from Perfection (Comparisons Are Odious Remix) because it still makes me giggle: "The photocopier didn't give me a black eye," Sam objected quickly. "It was the fax machine."
Best scene: Easy choice. It's the scene in "Like Sailing and Home Runs" where Dan confronts his father and apologises for Sam's death. That scene *gets* me, you know? It made me choke up when I wrote it and when I edited it, and if I'm in a very emotional mood, it'll still get to me. When I first wrote it, I wasn't sure if it worked so I sent it to
celli for a second opnion, and she told me "It's the best thing you've ever written." I still think she's right.Favourite scene: Casey approaching Dan in Shimmering. I made a concerted effort to concentrate on images, to try to mimic visual writers like
slodwick and oxoniensis who can really *show* you the scene. It possibly could have been written better (there are some moments in the narrative where the scene inside my head doesn't quite match the words on the screen, and I can't explain where or how) but it does achieve a nice, poetic atmosphere:Tiny alley, lit by residual glows of neon, brick walls covered in bold graffiti, and leaning against the riot of color was Danny: dark hair, dark eyes, dark T-shirt; one sneaker-clad foot flat against the wall, one denim-covered leg pointed at Casey like an arrow. He looked stark and unreal, like a picture taken with too much contrast, like a dream so vivid you could feel it snaking across your skin.
Hottest scene: The msut scene(s) from Sweet Music in the Back of My Mind. There's a passivity to Casey, there's a solid tenderness to Dan's actions, and there's something about both of those scenes that hit my buttons hard.
Most unintentionally 'telling' story: Probably Back to the Old Ways, although I can't say *why*. All I know is that this line -- For once, Rodney understands: knowing what you've lost, what you can't have, doesn't make life any easier. -- strikes me an unbearable *true*. It's actually the summary to the entire story, the whole theme behind it, although I didn't realise until I read it a month or more after posting it.
I have a suspicion that it says a lot about my approach to life, my habit of avoiding life-experiences in order to avoid upset/conflict/difficulty. My tendency to happily sit and defend my rut, because trying and losing is too much, too hard, would cut too deep.
Yeah. That's something I need to work on.
Hardest to write: Cold Around the Edges. The idea was easy, was immediate, and then I had to find technobabble to back me up, to defend it (and after re-watching episodes, I know the technobabble doesn't stand up to SGA canon, let alone common sense), but it was the emotional impact that I had more trouble with.
Self-sacrifice for the greater good is something that appeals to me, it's one of those huge, epic things that heroes do. Something that I'd never, ever consider doing myself. It's something that SGA does fairly well ("Before I Sleep", "Grace Under Pressure", "The Hot Zone" are just a few that have characters sacrificing themselves to save others) and something that makes a huge impact in a story. Turns out, it's also a *bitch* to write. You spend hours wondering if your characterisation works, if the pacing is consistent, if it makes sense, if it holds together as a story, if anyone will want to read it.
Basically, this is a story that made the Fraud Muse damn loud.
"Holy crap, that's *wrong*, even for you" story: Protect Me from What I Want, which I mentally think of as "the wrong-smut fic". It gave me a chance to play with pairings I'd usually never consider (Casey/Rebecca, Dana/Casey/Dan, Dan/Charlie) because I know they wouldn't work. It also gave me a chance to explore the reasons and the ways that people do stupid, confusing things for all the wrong reasons. (And, huh, made me write a graphic het sex scene. I think it's the only time I've ever done that.)
Also, it's a happy ending, but I'm the only one who seems to get that. Okay, it's not a Casey/Dan happy ending, but it's a story where the characters walk away smarter and without any major scarring, where they have more understanding of their own needs, relationships and situations, and can grow to be happy with someone else. I think that's a happy ending. (Mind you, I also loved the way that
rageprufrock's John/Rodney break up fic ended, because Rodney and John couldn't be happy together, but they were obviously going to grow to be happy with new people. *Obviously.*)Worst story: I'm kind of stumped here, which probably says a lot about my personal arrogance (or the way I think most of my fics hit a certain level, and there's only the occasional one that stands out). Hmmmm. Yeah, actually, there are some that I think could be smoother, could be clearer, but there aren't any that I'm actually ashamed of or think don't work to an acceptable level.
Goals for writing in 2006:
- To finish the wips that having been sitting on my harddrive forever. I have wips in QaFUS and DCU that weren't quite my fandoms and that I never even opened again. I have a beta'd story in SV that I keep meaning to fix. I think it would be nice to cut down on the umber of constantly-not-quite-stories sitting in my "in progress" folder.
- To stop delaying the betaing process so much. I get lazy about my stuff, and don't send it to beta. Or it comes back and sit on the file instead of doing the painstaking editing stuff and having it done. I'd like to get into the process of getting stuff edited and posted within a reasonable timeframe (instead of months, because I got distracted by some new shiny fic idea).
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no subject
Date: 2005-12-20 10:19 pm (UTC)And thanks for the lovely comment - it's funny, because I find the visuals fairly easy, but it's the dialogue, which you make look so easy, that I generally find hard!
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Date: 2005-12-20 10:53 pm (UTC)*nods* Oh, I understand that well. Once I lose it (ie. if it's not showing up on FList, if I click the link and bookmark it instead of reading), there's a good chance I'll never finish reading the wip and when it gets posted, I never get back to it. It's sad but true.
And thanks for the lovely comment - it's funny, because I find the visuals fairly easy, but it's the dialogue, which you make look so easy, that I generally find hard!
Everyone has different strengths, I suppose. For me, the dialogue is easy, natural, but if I want to describe a scene, I have to *stop, *think* and try very hard. Oddly enough, it's the same when watching a show. I will quickly/easily pick up on speech mannerisms, then on personal expressions, but actually getting a solid *visual* image of the character? Doesn't happen. I have to sit down and try to take notes on physical habits, on the way they lean, on body language in different moods, to get a clear image of them as a body and a face.
It's even worse when it comes to sets. Unless someone points out something specific, I won't even notice. For example, take the colours of the rooms inside Atlantis. It wasn't until someone mentioned "bronze" tones that I even noticed that the rooms weren't all covered in a bluish shade of grey (until then, I would have sworned that the walls/floors/ceilings were all grey -- I hadn't even noticed the amount of colour there).
no subject
Date: 2005-12-21 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-22 12:05 am (UTC)It's... every time Mum mentions the idea that I should try writing professionally (instead of, well, wasting my time writing online *waves hand vaguely*), my first thought is that I don't have an idea to write. I'd want to write something like Sailing, something big and huge and utterly personal and *true*, you know? Something that actually *says* something. And I only get those ideas in fanfic.
But, yeah, it's not that I'm not proud of Sweet Music. Or that I don't enjoy it. Or that it didn't completely rock my socks when I'd first finished it. It's that... okay, I know that it's canabalised. I know that some of the scenes were written independently and weren't originally meant for this story. And, yes, they *work* and they supply what's needed (without a doubt, it fits together as a whole) but it still feels a little *less*, a little like cheating, a little like it wasn't... I don't know. Genuine, maybe.
Which is odd, because the story doesn't suffer for it. And writing in bits and pieces, using old notes and snippets to fill in the missing blacks, it's a *valid* way to write. It's a good way to write. And yet, Sailing, from start to finish, was aimed at a place. Was aimed at an eventual plotline and a need to discuss details and memories. I didn't consciously know how much was being layered on top of everything else, but it was still being done, you know?
...
...I don't know. It's not just the way it was written, it's what it was written about. And I believe in Sweet Music, I believe in the dishes analogy and the adorable sweetness of small gestures meaning the most -- coping with someone day in and day out, making them a priority in your life, *being there* when needed -- but Sailing just feels... *bigger* you know?
Maybe it's as simple as wordcount. Deepdown, maybe I assign more "meaning" to Sailing because it's five times as long as Sweet Music (although Sweet Music actually took longer to write, from start to finish).
And maybe, like all writers, I find the subject of my own writing incredibly fascinating. *laughs*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-07 06:43 am (UTC)Apparently, I just needed a good deal of time to make me come back and marvel at the overwhleming sense of *rightnesS* aobut it.