Random Jack (stab people in the face)

[out_there]

Jack walked through the Tourist Office and gave a double-take when he noticed Ianto standing beside the doorway, shoulders flat against the wall, eyes closed and lips moving soundlessly.

Jacks stayed very still -- a lot of strange behaviour in Torchwood made sense in context, so better safe than sorry -- and cautiously asked, "What are you doing?"

Ianto shot him the kind of look that could have killed an elephant at a hundred paces. "I'm reminding myself why I'm not allowed to stab people in the face."

"Because of the stack of paperwork involved," Jack replied with a grin. "Was it Owen?"

"No."

"Gwen?"

Ianto shook his head. "No."

"Tosh?"

"No."

Frowning, Jack thought carefully. Then he asked, "Me?"

"No." Ianto shot him a sideways glance, and the barest hint of a smile hovered at the edge of his mouth. "If it was you, I could stab you without worrying about the paperwork."

"Thanks," Jack said mock-hurt. It was hard to be genuinely annoyed when it made Ianto smile. "Remind me to keep you far away from sharp implements. Who was it?"

"Tourists," Ianto ground out, adding under his breath, "People that stupid don’t deserve to live."

Reaching forward, Jack grabbed Ianto's hand and tugged him away from the wall. "I know how to make you feel better."

"If you're about to suggest something you know I'll refuse," Ianto warned slowly, "be aware I may be overcome by the urge to grab your gun and shoot you."

"That's what I was going to suggest," Jack said, grinning widely, but Ianto only looked concerned.

"Hurting you?"

"Shooting something," Jack explained, leaning closer to drop a quick kiss on Ianto's cheek. "Come down to the shooting range, practice your aim. It'll make you feel better."

Ianto nodded and started towards the lift. When he noticed Jack following, he asked, "And where are you going?"

"I'm going to help you work on your stance. Adjust where appropriate."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Jack waggled his eyebrows. "That's to make me feel better."

Comments

[celli]

I love yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou.

[celli]

p.s. I gave somebody the elephant killing look today. (yes, ME.) It was awesome.

[ilexa.livejournal.com]

Personally, I think you should be allowed to stab people in the fact. I trust your judgment about who deserves it.

Of course, this way, we ALL get to enjoy the results, but you know. Whatevs.

[celli]

In my head, Nathan Stark is verbally flaying them.

...it will suffice.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

I approve of dirty looks. Also, it's apparently my default expression when I haven't had coffee or a shower yet.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

*smooches you*

[darchildre.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is just wonderful.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[demotu.livejournal.com]

*loves*

Poor Ianto. Jack gets cuddles from me.

The only thing that could have made the Jack+Gwen shooting range scene hotter was if Gwen had been Ianto, IMO.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Poor Ianto. Jack gets cuddles from me.

Cuddles are always deserved!

The only thing that could have made the Jack+Gwen shooting range scene hotter was if Gwen had been Ianto, IMO.

Oh, dude, that shooting scene? Was unbelievably hot. And it's spawned my absolutely favourite TW porn cliche (Jack teaches X to shoot and sex ensues) that's worked for Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen and even a Jack/Owen fic.

[ilexa.livejournal.com]

♥

So, wait-- we're not allowed to stab people in the face? ... Back in a mo.

"I'm going to help you work on your stance. Adjust where appropriate."

Oh, Jack! Yes, please.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Oh, Jack! Yes, please.

Jack's method of teaching people how to shoot? So hot I have no words. It makes me want to learn, and I'm not a loud-smelly-machinery-that-I-could-easily-loose-a-foot-using type girl.

So, wait-- we're not allowed to stab people in the face? ... Back in a mo.

*sniggers* No. You're not. It would force Ianto to fill out at least five seperate Torchwood forms (in triplicate!), and you wouldn't want to inflict that kind of punishment on him, right?

[ilexa.livejournal.com]

and you wouldn't want to inflict that kind of punishment on him, right?

Would... would there be spanking involved? You know, so I learn my lesson?

[out-there.livejournal.com]

I don't think so. See, Jack's tried that whole "spank an employee as punishment" thing and for some reason, it never works.

I think Ianto would be more likely to assign you Weevil Clean-Up Duty (since you know someone has to clean out Janet's cell) or possibly put you on John Hart Watch to make sure the poodles of Cardiff remain safe.

[ilexa.livejournal.com]

Ah, you are very creative in your non-fun punishments. A worthy adversary! I shall not cross you.

Poor poodles.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

*sniggers*

I have this urge to say, "Think of the poodles!"

So I shall.

Think of the poodles!

[hanuueshe.livejournal.com]

Oh I feel your pain. *lives in seaside town that has either gotten smaller of had a population explosion in the last month*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Poor Ianto. The others may think they've got it bad with saving the world from alien threats, but Ianto's stuck in customer service. *shudders*

[dani_the_girl]

"If you're about to suggest something you know I'll refuse," Ianto warned slowly, "be aware I may be overcome by the urge to grab your gun and shoot you."

Hah! Love this. And I know that feeling. Poor Ianto.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Poor Ianto. But I'm sure Jack will find a way to lighten his bad mood.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

Hee - aww, poor Ianto! Customers are idiots, it's a fact.

Wish we could see the scene on the shooting range! *glares at her TV, willing it to be so.*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Customers are idiots, it's a fact.

So very true.

Wish we could see the scene on the shooting range! *glares at her TV, willing it to be so.*

Close your eyes, imagine Ianto holding a gun, gritting his teeth and shooting in a scarily accurate way as we know he can when incredibly pissed off. Then imagine Jack coming up behind him, curling a hand around Ianto's hip and then finding out how long he can grope Ianto before Ianto's aim is complete rubbish.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

*goes to a very happy place indeed*

[slashybits.livejournal.com]

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I know exactly how he feels, I was stuck on a tour bus with some of those tourists in Italy.

On the plus side now if I have issues with tourists on my next trip I'll think of this and grin evily at them.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

On the plus side now if I have issues with tourists on my next trip I'll think of this and grin evily at them.

Hee!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this...*G* Made me wish for a Jack of my own.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

That's a sentiment shared by you, me and my mother. Everybody deserves a Jack!

[ainsley.livejournal.com]

Consider yourself adored.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

*basks*

[beathen.livejournal.com]

This was great! Short, sweet & funny!

"If it was you, I could stab you without worrying about the paperwork."

LOL!

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[mtgat]

*LOL* That was great!

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Thanks!