WIP: The Gods Hate Kansas
Jan. 6th, 2003 08:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
out_thereI hate it when characters won't do what you tell them. You sit down to type, and the fic just won't do what it's told. If I want Clark and Lex to kiss, they'll spend hours moping or talking instead.
Anyway, since Slodwick mentioned the Pulp Fiction challenge, the title "The Gods Hate Kansas" has been going round my head. Add to that Celli's wish for a fic with Lex doing taxes and saying "accruals", and it's unsurprising that I've got ideas. Anyway, I'm kinda stuck, so I figured I might as well post what I've got so far, and think about it a bit.
WIP: The Gods Hate Kansas
"Go away." Lex didn't even look up from the paperwork spread before him. Another perky waitress trying to take his order, or one more hopeful smile from Lana was all it would take to make him snap. If that happened, he couldn't be held accountable for his actions. They had brought it on themselves.
Lex waited for the shadow to leave. He must have been too subtle. "No, I don't want anything to drink. Yes, I will be able to sort out the receipts. And, no, there is nothing you can do to help. Now, go away."
"In that case, I won't take your bad mood personally." Lex looked up to see Clark sit down opposite him. Just what he needed. Not that having Clark around was such a bad thing, but numbers and distractions were never a good mix. "Having a bad day?" Clark looked genuinely concerned. Or he did, until Lex saw the glint of amusement in hazel eyes.
Obviously, Clark already knew something. No point denying the truth. "Clark, today has not been a bad day. Today has been a disaster. Today is proof that Smallville is cursed. Probably all of Kansas, too."
"That bad, huh?" Clark's lips only twitched slightly. He appeared to be trying very hard to hide his glee.
"It's no laughing matter. Your ancestors angered the gods, and today, I've suffered the full power of their smiting." He wasn't being melodramatic. Maybe he was exaggerating slightly. Maybe.
"You've been smitten?"
"Probably smited. Or smote." Lex couldn't help answering Clark's grin with a smirk of his own. Really, it was impossible to be in a bad temper around that smile. "You know what happened?"
"Chloe told me." Lex should have realised. With so many locals working at the plant, the whole town would know by tomorrow. Or earlier. "It wasn't that bad, was it Lex? Chloe's dad said that it's all been cleared up and should be fine by Monday."
"Clark, someone dumped a truckload of manure outside my office window. I can't describe how bad that is." Clark was unsuccessfully trying to suppress his sniggering. "Some smells never leave." He waited for Clark's laughter to subside back to a grin.
"Sorry Lex, but you've got to see the funny side of it."
"Give me a couple of years. Then, I'll be able to look back," Lex paused. He doubted he'd be able to laugh. An error this ridiculous was tragic. "And say that was the day which proved that the gods hate Kansas." Clark looked sceptical. He'd see. Lex could hold a grudge against this day for years, decades if need be.
"Still, it was nice of you to give everyone the afternoon off."
After the mess had been cleaned up, Lex had stormed out of his office, and told Gabe that they could all go home. Trust Clark to see it as an act of charity, instead of a sign that Lex had simply had enough for one day. "It was that, or fire them all on the spot. I'm still deciding."
"You can't fire everyone Lex."
"Why not?"
"Then you'd have to do it all yourself." Delivered dryly, with a quick flash of a smile.
"True." Perhaps today wasn't a complete tragedy. "Do you want something to drink?" Lex waved one of the waitresses over, and was unimpressed when she pretended to ignore him and headed out the back.
"Um, Lana said that you've been growling at the staff for hours. I don't think they're going to be fighting over who serves you. Over who has to serve you, maybe, but not in a good way." Lex wondered how Clark managed to look amused and apologetic at the same time. "So...?" Clark gestured vaguely at the papers between them. "What are you doing?"
"It's tax season." From the distaste that skated across Clark's face, the implications were not wasted on him.
"Wouldn't you have an accountant for that stuff?" Clark seemed curious, and was no longer smiling at Lex's misfortune. Both were good things.
"Do you know how much the Talon makes?"
Clark grimaced and guessed, "Enough to cover its expenses?"
Lex nodded. "And not much more. Certainly not enough to warrant a professional's fees. So I'm here, dealing with the accounts and the missing receipts."
"And all the fun of preparing the tax return?"
"Income. Deductions. Depreciation. Accruals. All of it."
"Do you want a hand?" Sweet of Clark to offer, but it wasn't necessary.
"It isn't that bad Clark." Clark raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Or, it's bad enough that I don't want to make someone else suffer as well."
"What about 'misery loves company'?"
"Misery may like company, but Luthors don't. When something goes wrong, they like people to fix things, or alternatively someone to blame."
A mischievous Clark leaned across the table. "I could do that. I could make all your problems go away." Lex was intrigued.
"Really? How?"
"Take the evening off. Come on Lex, it's a Friday. Surely you can do this stuff over the weekend." Clark shouldn't be allowed to use puppy-dog eyes. Lex was certain that it wasn't fair. But there was no way he was giving in to Clark as easily as that.
"I'll probably be doing it over the weekend anyway, but-"
"No 'but's Lex." Clark settled back in his chair, and gave Lex a serious stare. "Come over to my place and relax. Eat junk food and watch some TV. It's guaranteed to make you feel better."
Watching TV with Clark sounded good. Then Lex remembered that Clark didn't have a TV in the loft and there was no way Lex was going to deal with Jonathan Kent today. This day couldn't get much worse, but he was sure Jonathan could find a way. "Clark-"
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Lex." That sounded interesting. "And the hard way will involve me getting Chloe and Lana to help convince you."
"Regardless or whether or not you call in the cavalry, there's no need-" And he was interrupted again. Apparently no one had told Clark that it was not a good idea to keep interrupting a Luthor.
"It's better than having you scowling at everyone here."
He hadn't been scowling. He would have said glaring. "Thanks for the offer Clark, but I doubt your parents will appreciate the sentiment."
"Ah, they're away this weekend. My second-cousin... Well actually, my Dad's cousin's daughter is getting married. So they won't be back until Sunday night."
********
Really, they should be making out in the barn by now, but they're both too damn chatty.
Anyway, since Slodwick mentioned the Pulp Fiction challenge, the title "The Gods Hate Kansas" has been going round my head. Add to that Celli's wish for a fic with Lex doing taxes and saying "accruals", and it's unsurprising that I've got ideas. Anyway, I'm kinda stuck, so I figured I might as well post what I've got so far, and think about it a bit.
WIP: The Gods Hate Kansas
"Go away." Lex didn't even look up from the paperwork spread before him. Another perky waitress trying to take his order, or one more hopeful smile from Lana was all it would take to make him snap. If that happened, he couldn't be held accountable for his actions. They had brought it on themselves.
Lex waited for the shadow to leave. He must have been too subtle. "No, I don't want anything to drink. Yes, I will be able to sort out the receipts. And, no, there is nothing you can do to help. Now, go away."
"In that case, I won't take your bad mood personally." Lex looked up to see Clark sit down opposite him. Just what he needed. Not that having Clark around was such a bad thing, but numbers and distractions were never a good mix. "Having a bad day?" Clark looked genuinely concerned. Or he did, until Lex saw the glint of amusement in hazel eyes.
Obviously, Clark already knew something. No point denying the truth. "Clark, today has not been a bad day. Today has been a disaster. Today is proof that Smallville is cursed. Probably all of Kansas, too."
"That bad, huh?" Clark's lips only twitched slightly. He appeared to be trying very hard to hide his glee.
"It's no laughing matter. Your ancestors angered the gods, and today, I've suffered the full power of their smiting." He wasn't being melodramatic. Maybe he was exaggerating slightly. Maybe.
"You've been smitten?"
"Probably smited. Or smote." Lex couldn't help answering Clark's grin with a smirk of his own. Really, it was impossible to be in a bad temper around that smile. "You know what happened?"
"Chloe told me." Lex should have realised. With so many locals working at the plant, the whole town would know by tomorrow. Or earlier. "It wasn't that bad, was it Lex? Chloe's dad said that it's all been cleared up and should be fine by Monday."
"Clark, someone dumped a truckload of manure outside my office window. I can't describe how bad that is." Clark was unsuccessfully trying to suppress his sniggering. "Some smells never leave." He waited for Clark's laughter to subside back to a grin.
"Sorry Lex, but you've got to see the funny side of it."
"Give me a couple of years. Then, I'll be able to look back," Lex paused. He doubted he'd be able to laugh. An error this ridiculous was tragic. "And say that was the day which proved that the gods hate Kansas." Clark looked sceptical. He'd see. Lex could hold a grudge against this day for years, decades if need be.
"Still, it was nice of you to give everyone the afternoon off."
After the mess had been cleaned up, Lex had stormed out of his office, and told Gabe that they could all go home. Trust Clark to see it as an act of charity, instead of a sign that Lex had simply had enough for one day. "It was that, or fire them all on the spot. I'm still deciding."
"You can't fire everyone Lex."
"Why not?"
"Then you'd have to do it all yourself." Delivered dryly, with a quick flash of a smile.
"True." Perhaps today wasn't a complete tragedy. "Do you want something to drink?" Lex waved one of the waitresses over, and was unimpressed when she pretended to ignore him and headed out the back.
"Um, Lana said that you've been growling at the staff for hours. I don't think they're going to be fighting over who serves you. Over who has to serve you, maybe, but not in a good way." Lex wondered how Clark managed to look amused and apologetic at the same time. "So...?" Clark gestured vaguely at the papers between them. "What are you doing?"
"It's tax season." From the distaste that skated across Clark's face, the implications were not wasted on him.
"Wouldn't you have an accountant for that stuff?" Clark seemed curious, and was no longer smiling at Lex's misfortune. Both were good things.
"Do you know how much the Talon makes?"
Clark grimaced and guessed, "Enough to cover its expenses?"
Lex nodded. "And not much more. Certainly not enough to warrant a professional's fees. So I'm here, dealing with the accounts and the missing receipts."
"And all the fun of preparing the tax return?"
"Income. Deductions. Depreciation. Accruals. All of it."
"Do you want a hand?" Sweet of Clark to offer, but it wasn't necessary.
"It isn't that bad Clark." Clark raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Or, it's bad enough that I don't want to make someone else suffer as well."
"What about 'misery loves company'?"
"Misery may like company, but Luthors don't. When something goes wrong, they like people to fix things, or alternatively someone to blame."
A mischievous Clark leaned across the table. "I could do that. I could make all your problems go away." Lex was intrigued.
"Really? How?"
"Take the evening off. Come on Lex, it's a Friday. Surely you can do this stuff over the weekend." Clark shouldn't be allowed to use puppy-dog eyes. Lex was certain that it wasn't fair. But there was no way he was giving in to Clark as easily as that.
"I'll probably be doing it over the weekend anyway, but-"
"No 'but's Lex." Clark settled back in his chair, and gave Lex a serious stare. "Come over to my place and relax. Eat junk food and watch some TV. It's guaranteed to make you feel better."
Watching TV with Clark sounded good. Then Lex remembered that Clark didn't have a TV in the loft and there was no way Lex was going to deal with Jonathan Kent today. This day couldn't get much worse, but he was sure Jonathan could find a way. "Clark-"
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Lex." That sounded interesting. "And the hard way will involve me getting Chloe and Lana to help convince you."
"Regardless or whether or not you call in the cavalry, there's no need-" And he was interrupted again. Apparently no one had told Clark that it was not a good idea to keep interrupting a Luthor.
"It's better than having you scowling at everyone here."
He hadn't been scowling. He would have said glaring. "Thanks for the offer Clark, but I doubt your parents will appreciate the sentiment."
"Ah, they're away this weekend. My second-cousin... Well actually, my Dad's cousin's daughter is getting married. So they won't be back until Sunday night."
********
Really, they should be making out in the barn by now, but they're both too damn chatty.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Yay!!!!!
Date: 2003-01-06 02:11 am (UTC)Taxfic!
*bounces around the room like a demented ficbunny*
I hope it unsticks soon. I love it. :)
Re: Yay!!!!!
Date: 2003-01-06 02:19 am (UTC)Since you're the professional here, would The Talon need to do a stocktake? Pure curiousity here. Just a case of in Aus, a business as small as the Talon wouldn't need to report changes in stock unless it was an increase/decrease of over $2000 (or $5000, I'm too lazy to check my notes.)
Took me a while, but I decided that I think that depreciation is sexier than accruals. That could be why I didn't get any further... Sat around imagining Lex saying those two in his sexiest voice, over and over again.
Re: Yay!!!!!
Date: 2003-01-06 02:30 am (UTC)Since you're the professional here, would The Talon need to do a stocktake? Pure curiousity here. Just a case of in Aus, a business as small as the Talon wouldn't need to report changes in stock unless it was an increase/decrease of over $2000 (or $5000, I'm too lazy to check my notes.)
They wouldn't have to, no. Which is good, because they're a pain in the ass.
Took me a while, but I decided that I think that depreciation is sexier than accruals. That could be why I didn't get any further... Sat around imagining Lex saying those two in his sexiest voice, over and over again.
Mmmm...compare and contrast, good strategy.
I have to admit, though, that the word "depreciation" gives me a headache. (Too many clients who want to deduct their luxury car as a business vehicle, and take the whole cost in the first year.) Perhaps if Lex said it to me...repeatedly...I'd overcome my fear of it.
Re: Yay!!!!!
Date: 2003-01-06 02:40 am (UTC)I think that's a strategy that could be used to overcome any fear.
Arachnophobia? No problem. Just sit over hear and hear Lex say it to you for a couple of hours, then you'll be petting the spiders without a worry.
Claustrophobia... If you were alone with Lex in a small space, I don't think you'd be concentrating on the fear.
Re: Yay!!!!!
Date: 2003-01-10 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-06 02:49 am (UTC)Love the fic! *g*
no subject
Date: 2003-01-06 02:55 am (UTC)It's not such a silly idea. Think of how much the profession of accounting would be respected if we all got Clarks.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-06 02:47 pm (UTC)"It's no laughing matter. Your ancestors angered the gods, and today, I've suffered the full power of their smiting." He wasn't being melodramatic. Maybe he was exaggerating slightly. Maybe.
"You've been smitten?"
"Probably smited. Or smote."
hee, i love that word. so many possibilities.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-07 12:17 am (UTC)Technically, I'm of the opinion that Clark and Lex should really be making out on a permanent 24/7 basis... well, at least a good ten hours out of every day. *g*
but i know you'll get there.
Thanks for the support. Now, I just need to sit down and try it, instead of wandering off to read LoTR slash... But, hobbits!
so many possibilities
There is something very amusing about the past tense of smite. I'm going to believe Gandalf that it is technically smote.