SN WIP: Homophobic - Part Six
Apr. 28th, 2004 03:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
out_thereUm, yeah. Someone stopped for lunch and forgot to start again. The St Crispins' Day information came from this site. Last section of the wip is here (each section will link to the one before it).
***
Casey was sitting quietly at Anthony's, reading over his birthday cards. He'd tried building them up into a tower, like a pack of playing cards, but it hadn't worked. The birthday cards were all different shapes and sizes, and even with the pile of bar napkins supporting the foundations, the structure just kept leaning to one side, and toppling over.
The last attempt had resulted in Natalie's card lying open, lounging across the messy pile. Casey read it aloud. "'To a grumpy, middle-aged man on his thirty-fifth birthday.'" You had to love a birthday card like that.
Kim stopped on her way past his table, and blinked at him. "You okay there, Casey?"
Casey took another sip from his new glass. "I want to talk to Natalie."
"Is there a reason why?"
"She's my new best friend," Casey replied in a stage-whisper. "I want to tell her that."
"That she's your new best friend?" Kim asked doubtfully.
"Shhhh!" Casey raised a hand to his lips. Thankfully, it wasn't the hand holding his new glass. He should remember not to lift that hand. "Not so loud."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to hurt Danny's feelings."
Kim laughed. "I'll go get her."
It took an eternity for Natalie to arrive, so Casey spent his time trying to work out who was left. Everyone had come out for the birthday celebrations, but... Now, he could only spot a couple of people. There was Kim and Elliot at another table. Natalie and Dana were at the bar, talking to a bunch of guys. Jeremy was hanging beside them, looking out of place and a little amused. Danny was nowhere to be seen, but Casey was sure Danny would have said goodbye before leaving. So, Danny was still here somewhere. Probably with some leggy blonde.
He watched Kim say something to Natalie, and point at Casey, and then Natalie left with Jeremy in tow. Dana was left standing there, amongst the crowd of dark suits, talking and smiling, bubbling like a glass of golden champagne. Her light hair shimmered as she laughed. No one could deny that she was beautiful.
"I'm your new best friend?" Natalie asked when she got to his table.
"Yeah."
"What about Dan?"
"He was my old best friend. You are the new one," Casey stated with a broad grin.
Natalie smiled. "You really like the gifts?"
"Yep."
Natalie gestured at the neat pile of gifts. He'd made that pile before he opened Natalie's. That was probably why it was so neat. "How come it's not on the table, with the other presents?"
Casey gestured at the seat beside him, where the green bottle was hiding out of sight. "I don't want Jack to see it. He might get… *thingy* about outside alcohol."
Natalie blinked, and then turned behind her to yell across at Jack. "Hey, Jack, can Casey drink a bottle of alcohol he was given as a birthday present?"
"It's his birthday, right?" Jack replied, wiping a glass.
Natalie nodded. "Yeah."
"Go ahead."
Natalie turned back to Casey and grinned. "You can drink it openly, Casey. I checked with Jack."
Casey beamed, and lifted the bottle on to the table, setting it beside the matching set of shot glasses. "See? This is why you're my new best friend."
"She's your new best friend?"
"Shhh. I don't want Danny to… Oh," Casey said, looking up to see Danny laughing over Natalie's shoulder. He frowned apologetically. "Sorry, Danny. I was trying not to hurt your feelings."
"Why is Natalie your new best friend?"
"She got me the best gift ever," Casey replied seriously.
Danny nodded. "Alcohol."
Casey stared at him in shock. "How did you know?"
"I heard her yelling at Jack. I came over to see what it was," Danny said with an amused grin.
"Ah."
"So, if I'm your new best friend," Natalie asked slowly, "What does that make Danny?"
"My second best friend," Casey replied firmly.
"I'm feeling a little left out here." Casey turned to see Jeremy frowning at him. "I got you a good present as well."
"Good point." Casey leaned back in his seat as he thought about it. Natalie had bought the bottle, but Jeremy gave him the shot glasses. Without the shot glasses, the bottle wouldn't have been as much fun. "Okay, Natalie's my new best friend. You're my second best friend," Casey said, pointing loosely at Jeremy.
"What about Dana?" Natalie leaned forward a little. "She got you the Mississippi Mud Cake. You said you loved that cake."
"I did. It was really, *really* good," Casey agreed, smiling at the memory of the rich, chocolatey cake. "Okay, you're my best friend, Jeremy's my second best friend, Dana's my third best friend, and Dan's my fourth best friend."
"Well, as your second best friend, I think I'm going to take a seat at your table," Jeremy said and sat down beside Casey.
Dan raised an eyebrow. "Fourth?"
"You got me a book," Casey replied, pointing in the direction of the pile of presents.
"You like books."
"It's a *book*."
"It's a good book."
"It doesn't compare to alcohol or cake."
"When you read it, Casey, you'll really enjoy it."
"Well, until I read it, you're staying at fourth."
Danny sighed dramatically. "Fine, but I expect my status to be elevated very soon."
Natalie's laughter gleamed. Soft and warm, and if Casey squinted, he was sure he would see the dust-motes floating in the sound. "Accept and move on, Dan. Casey's drunk. He's not going to change his mind."
"I'm not…" Casey trailed off, thinking about it. "Okay, I'm a little drunk."
Natalie snorted. "You're buzzed, Casey."
"High as a paper kite," Jeremy added.
"Yeah?" Casey grinned. "I kind of feel like a paper kite. Fluttering about on the breeze, high above the buildings and the cars and the people. Able to go wherever I want. See the world without being tethered to anything or anyone." Casey nodded at the pleasant mental image.
There was a moment of silence while the others looked at each other. Eventually, Dan spoke. "Wow. You are *really* wasted."
Casey made a relaxed gesture. "I'm a bit drunk."
"What are you drinking?" Dan asked, leaning across the table.
"My favourite drink." Casey grinned at Natalie.
"Jaegermeister," Dan said slowly, picking up the bottle. "A really big bottle of Jaegermeister."
"Yeah."
Dan gestured at the bottle. It was a quarter empty already. "You've drunk all this?"
"Yeah." Casey emptied his cup, and held it up for Dan to refill. "And, I'll be drinking more. You're welcome to join me…?" he offered, looking from Dan to Natalie to Jeremy. Natalie was watching Dana at the bar.
Jeremy shook his head. "I'm sticking to beer."
"And you should be too," Dan said with a tiny frown. It really was tiny, only touching his forehead and the corners of his red lips.
"I'm not drinking beer," Casey pointed out carefully. "I'm drinking Jaegermeister."
"You're not allowed to drink Jaegermeister."
Natalie's ears perked up at this, and she suddenly started paying attention. "You're not allowed, Casey?"
Dan was still staring at him, looking concerned and a little angry. "You promised us. You promised me, you promised Dana, you promised Lisa. No more Jaegermeister."
"No." Casey shook his head. "I promised I wouldn't buy Jaegermeister. And I haven't."
"And yet, you have a very large bottle of the stuff." Danny was right. It *was* a very large bottle. Natalie was the best.
Casey grinned at the thought. "Did I mention that Natalie's my new best friend?"
"I want to hear more about the alcohol," Dan said firmly.
Dan should lighten up. It was a birthday celebration. He was officially thirty-five years old. He could drink if he wanted to. "I didn't break my promise," Casey muttered resentfully, standing up to grab the bottle back from Dan. He swayed on his feet, and sat back down with a thump. Jeremy looked at him strangely, but Casey had the bottle in his hands. "It's a present."
Dan stared at him. "From?"
"Natalie," Casey said, beaming at his new best friend.
Dan frowned at Natalie. "I can't believe you bought him Jaegermeister."
"I didn't know he wasn't allowed to have it," Natalie pointed out, shooting Casey a worried glance.
"I like Jaegermeister," Casey pointed out. "I am the Master of the Hunt."
Dan rolled his eyes. "But it doesn't like you."
"Yes, it does. It loves me and it makes me feel great. On top of the world. High as a kite. Giddy as a schoolgirl."
"I don't deny that it makes you giddy. I don't even deny that it makes you grin like a loon," Dan said, and Casey beamed at him.
"Exactly," Casey said, holding his bottle close.
"It also makes you feel like killing yourself the next day," Dan pointed out sourly. "You do remember that, right? The total hangovers you get when you drink that stuff."
Casey waved away Dan's concerns, like he was swiping at a large, stealthy fly. "Hangovers are for wusses. Tonight, I am Master of the Hunt."
Dan sighed and turned to Natalie. "You bought him the stuff. I think it's your responsibility to go explain to Dana why Casey needs tomorrow off."
"He needs tomorrow off?"
"Oh, *yeah*," Dan said, like some bad eighties song. "He'll have fun tonight, and won't be able to stand up straight, but you don't want to see him tomorrow. You definitely don't want to put him under studio lights."
Natalie's forehead formed into parallel furrows. It was kind of cute, in a weird geometric sense. "Really?"
"Just tell Dana about the Jaegermeister. She'll know what I'm talking about. Tell her Casey's now the 'Master of the Hunt.'"
Natalie shrugged and walked over to Dana. Casey watched her animated walk, her quick, lively steps. Almost like a pony. A show pony, Casey mentally corrected.
"She's a show pony," Casey announced, to no one in particular. Dan blinked at him, and nodded automatically.
Casey grinned at Jeremy, almost sitting up straight. Well, leaning on the table just a little. From this angle, the overhead lights at Anthony's glimmered in the reflection from Jeremy's glasses. "Why are your glasses so..." Casey waved vaguely with his hands, but Jeremy just stared at him.
"So what?"
Casey lifted his hands to his eye-level, and outlined a rough square around his head.
Jeremy looked confused. "So boxed?"
Casey frowned and shook his head, and then remembered the word. "Big. Why are your glasses so *big*?"
Jeremy blinked owlishly at him, staring through the thick lenses. "Big?"
Casey nodded, and then realised that was a bad idea when the room started to sway. "They're really big," he said, closing his eyes until gravity straightened out the room.
Jeremy turned to Dan. "Is this why he isn't allowed to drink it?"
"Got it in one," Dan replied quickly, pulling a chair up to the table.
Casey closed his eyes while Jeremy asked, "Does he always get this bad?"
Dan's snort was oddly familiar. Casey wondered if he should be able to recognise Dan's snort with his eyes closed. "He gets worse. Give him another few glasses, and he'll be reciting Shakespeare."
"You recite Shakespeare when drunk?"
After a moment, Casey realised that question was for him. He opened his eyes and nodded. "I like the speeches. Especially the St Crispins' Day speech. 'Band of brothers' and all that patriotic stuff."
"Okay," Jeremy said slowly.
"What's St Crispins' Day?"
"You don't know?" Jeremy asked, surprised.
"I have no idea," Casey replied, wondering where he'd put his glass. "I know the speech, but I don't know St Crispins' Day." After a moment, he added, "I want to celebrate St Crispins' Day. It sounds like a fun holiday. We could have a day off, and everything. Maybe a parade."
"A parade?"
"And we'd eat apples!" Casey declared with a broad sweep of his arm. He knocked over his empty shot glass, but Jeremy picked it up and straightened it on the table. "Apples, Jeremy."
"Why apples?"
"Crisp green apples for St Crispins' Day. Or maybe red apples. I wouldn't want to discriminate on the basis of colour," Casey enunciated carefully. "There will be no racism against apples on St Crispins' Day. It goes against the spirit of the season." Casey punctuated his point by slapping his hand against the table top. It kind of hurt. "Ow," he said as he rubbed his palm, and glared at the table.
"And he gets worse than this?" Jeremy was asking Danny.
Danny nodded, so Casey interrupted by poking Jeremy's shoulder. "Tell me about St Crispins' Day."
Jeremy stared at him. "Why do you think I'd know about St Crispins' Day?"
"You're dusty," Casey said, pointing out the obvious. "You know this stuff."
"Well, yes, I do," Jeremy said, and started in on a long explanation that started with Shakespeare and English battles, and somehow involved October the 25th, and shoes, and Christian princesses. Casey nodded, listening to the low, certain tone of Jeremy's voice. He tuned out the words in the middle, but drew his attention back by the end.
"…Of course, there's also a French version of the myth that says that St. Crispin was born into a wealthy roman family in the third century A.D.. He converted to Christianity pretty young, and was disinherited by his family. Christianity wasn't an approved lifestyle for a noble Roman. So, no longer able to rely on his parents' cash, he had to provide for himself by becoming a shoemaker. Teaching the gospel was his life's work, and made shoes in his spare time. Well, he did, until he was put to death for his beliefs in Soissons, France in 288 A.D.."
Jeremy stopped and Casey stopped staring at the ceiling. "Is there more?"
"I think that's about it," Jeremy replied.
Casey looked over and realised that Dan wasn't paying attention. He was watching some redhead at the bar. "You should tell Danny."
"Why?"
"The shoes."
"Ah." Jeremy nodded, but didn't start the tale again. Casey was almost disappointed.
Casey shrugged, and turned his bottle over in his hands. Then, he looked up at Jeremy. "You're very dusty."
"Thanks," Jeremy said, blinking owlishly through his big glasses. "I think."
"Dana says he's got tomorrow off," Natalie said, as she sat down in a chair beside Dan. "She checked with Steve earlier today, just in case Casey decided to really celebrate."
"Smart woman," Dan said and they started talking quietly about rundowns and scripts. Boring conversation that Casey didn't care about. Well, not right now.
"You're very knowledgeable," Casey said to Jeremy. "Did you know that?"
"I did," Jeremy replied with a smile, "but thanks for noticing."
Casey turned to Natalie, waving at her until he got her attention. "Did you know Jeremy's very knowledgeable?"
Natalie's laughter gleamed again. "Yeah, I did know that." She winked at Jeremy. "He's a real catch."
Casey smiled, because Natalie and Jeremy were dating again, and happy again. And he wanted his friends to be happy. And dating. But not necessarily each other, because that would just cause problems.
"Apparently, I'm dusty," Jeremy was saying to Natalie. For starters, the ratio of men to women was far too high for that to work.
"Dusty?" she asked.
Jeremy shrugged. "Casey said I'm dusty."
"Casey?" He looked up at Natalie, and smiled. "Why is Jeremy dusty?"
"Because he is," Casey replied. Natalie didn't seem to understand. "Jeremy's dusty. Like those old books, kept up the back of the library, the ones so old you're not allowed to borrow them. And when you open them, you can smell the dust, and the years, and the knowledge soaked into the pages. Dusty."
"Thank you," Jeremy said, his ears a little pink.
Casey shrugged. "You just are."
"What am I?" Natalie leaned forward on the table, and Casey suddenly spotted his glass.
He reached forward to get it, keeping a hand on the table top for balance. "You?"
"Yeah?"
"A glass of whisky," Casey said easily.
Natalie's eyes went wide. "How come?"
"Jeremy told me." Casey tilted his head in Jeremy's direction.
Natalie snorted. "I was about to be really weirded out, but that makes sense."
Casey unscrewed the lid of his bottle, and carefully held the glass on the table top. The trick was to make the bottle and the table sway at the same time.
"Are you sure you should be doing that?" Jeremy asked in a worried tone.
"I have perfect motor control," Casey replied. He glared at the neck of the bottle, willing it to pour just a dribble of alcohol into his glass.
"Even though you can't sit up straight?" Jeremy asked doubtfully. Casey looked up, and wondered when Natalie and Dan had defected from his table. At least he still had his second best friend.
"If you want to pour it for me, go ahead, Mom."
Jeremy hmmm'd, looking over the thick rim of his glasses. "It's probably safer for all concerned. Pass me the bottle."
Casey slid it across to him. "You can some if you want," he said, as Jeremy poured the brown liquid into the shot glass. "I have more glasses."
"I know you have more glasses."
"Yeah?"
"I bought them for you, remember?"
"Oh, yeah." Casey laughed, and slid sideways on the seat, nudging Jeremy's shoulder. The glass in Jeremy's hands jerked, and splashed over his fingers. "Sorry."
"Here," Jeremy said, handing him the slightly sticky shot glass. Jeremy sucked his fingers into his mouth, and then pulled a disgusted face. "You can drink *that*?"
Casey took a sip of his drink. The herbal taste was a bit strong. "It tastes better when it's cold."
"It's pretty cold, Casey."
"It's supposed to be served at minus four degrees," Casey recited.
"Celsius or Fahrenheit?" Jeremy blinked and then added, "It's obviously not Kelvin."
Casey shrugged. "It's supposed to be cold enough to chill your hands. It should numb your tongue, and then burn your throat and warm your stomach. It's a great drink."
Jeremy shrugged. "Each to their own."
Casey nodded, and swallowed another mouthful.
***
Casey had finished a few more glasses, and was having a bit of trouble controlling his hand gestures. "How do you know you're in love?"
Jeremy blinked, the big glasses still in place, and frowned. "How?"
"You and Natalie are in love. How do you know it?" Casey explained.
"Because she tells me," Jeremy responded. "And I tell her."
"But I could say that." Casey reached for his glass, and then frowned when it was empty.
"Yeah?"
He thought about asking Jeremy to pour him another, but decided that was too much effort at the moment. "I could say 'I'm in love with Natalie.' It doesn't make me in love with her."
"No, it doesn't," Jeremy replied evenly. "It makes you a liar."
"But how can you tell?" Casey whined.
"That you're not in love with Natalie?"
"That you are in love with someone." Casey paused, and crossed his arms on the table, resting his head against the cool surface. "I've been in love with two women in my life, and I'm not even sure how you *know*."
Jeremy shrugged. "You just do."
Casey squinted at him. "You're not very knowledgeable about this, are you?"
Jeremy adjusted his huge glasses, and then spoke. "It's someone that you care about, that you don't want to see hurt. It's someone that you'd do almost anything to protect. Someone that you want to see happy."
Casey snorted. "That would describe most of my friends. There's got to be a better description."
"I'm getting there," Jeremy said, leaning back. "It's someone that you understand, for the most part. You don't have to understand why their mind works a certain way, but you know it does."
"Keep going."
"You can see their flaws and their virtues, and you love both of them. Because you know that without one, you wouldn't have the other." Jeremy paused, and had a sip of his coke. Casey didn't know when Jeremy had stopped drinking beer tonight, but he knew that Jeremy was far more sober than he was. There was a possibility that everyone in this bar was more sober than he was. "Even when they drive you crazy, even when you know they're doing the wrong thing, you still love them. When you fight, it hurts, but when you're getting on, it's great."
"That's a pretty bad description," Casey pointed out, taking care to say his words right.
Jeremy looked offended. "I think it's pretty accurate."
"It could describe me and Danny," Casey scoffed.
"That's because you're good friends and you love each other."
Casey buried his head in his crossed arms. "Yeah, but we're not *in* love. Where's the difference?"
"Being in love is a mixture of love and lust. You've got to lust after them as well, and you've got to kiss them."
Casey frowned and dragged his head up into the light. "You could love from afar," he said, scowling at Jeremy.
"That's not being in love," Jeremy pointed out with a self-satisfied smirk. "That's infatuation. You just watch and pine and pretend that they're perfect. If you don't know someone, you can't be in love with them."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You have to kiss them, you have to talk to them. You have to fight and argue and laugh. You have to know them, the good points and the bad points. If you can do that, and then still feel like you're the luckiest guy in the world because they're beside you? You're in love."
"Huh." Casey thought about that for a few long seconds, resting his head on his hand. "Maybe I've only been in love once," he said slowly.
Jeremy shrugged. "That's just my definition."
"I like your definition," Casey said. "It sounds… right."
"Thanks," Jeremy replied.
"I like it too," Natalie said, and Casey glanced over to see her beaming at Jeremy. He would have asked how much of that definition she overheard, but he was too drunk to care.
***
Danny's car was warm and big and wonderful. "Your car is wonderful," he told Danny.
Danny shot him an annoyed look, an annoyed I'm-supposed-to-be-concentrating-on-the-road look. "Sit up, Casey."
"It's wonderful," Casey said, pulling himself into a straighter position in the passenger's seat. He started sliding towards the floor again pretty quickly. "It's big and warm and wonderful. Just like you."
"Just like me?" Danny gave him a quick confused glance, and then turned back to the red lights in front of them.
"Yep." Casey nodded. "You have a big, warm heart, Danny. You're pretty wonderful, too."
Danny smiled. "Thanks."
"And so's your car," Casey said, trailing a hand over the leather seats. "Big and warm and covered in leather." Casey thought about it, and then added, "That's not like you."
"Okay, Casey? I need to drive, so can you be quiet for a bit?"
Casey nodded happily, but didn't speak. He could be quiet for Danny. Not a problem. He could sit here, and try not to slide down the comfy leather seats, and just enjoy Danny's big, warm car. It really was big – an old tank of a Mercedes that Dan had picked up for about ten grand in Dallas. Danny had had it repainted, and finished, and slowly had the engine fixed up. Now, it was a shiny and black, with a smooth, purring motor, and lots of leg room.
Not like Dana's car or Jeremy's, where Casey had to bend his legs in half and squish up to fit in. Nope. Danny's car was big. And warm. And wonderful. "Your car is wonderful," he told Danny.
"Shhh," Danny said gently. "We're being quiet."
"Oh. Okay." Casey nodded and closed his eyes, and when he opened them, Danny was leaning over him.
"Casey, you need to get up." Casey blinked, and realised Danny was standing outside the car. "We're at your place," Danny told him.
"Oh. Okay," Casey said, and had an odd flash of déjà vu. He tried to stand up, but the pavement slanted beneath his feet. Danny caught him with an arm around his waist. "This is your city, right?" Casey murmured into Danny's jacket.
Danny stood him up against the car, and closed the car door. "Yeah?"
"Could you get it to go…" He bounced his hand up and down, searching for the word. "Flat again?"
"I'm sure it will be flat by morning," Danny promised generously.
Casey smiled. "Thanks, Danny." Danny always knew how to fix these things.
"C'mon, let's get you upstairs."
Danny led him inside, and Casey decided he really liked the elevators. He liked the two corners; if he stood there quietly, it didn't matter how much the floor moved because the walls would catch him. He tried to explain this to Danny, that the corners would keep him safe, but Danny just patted his arm and stood in the middle of the floor, surfing the shifting floor. Casey watched him in awe. "You have good balance."
Dan snorted. "Sure." Somehow, Danny steered him across the waves of carpet and got him sitting down on his couch. Danny was good with things like that.
Casey leaned back into the cushions, hearing Danny messing around with something in the kitchen. "There's provolone cheese there if you want a sandwich."
Danny's voice came drifting back. "I'm not hungry. Are you?"
Casey thought about cheese and bread and cheese, and his stomach gurgled uncomfortably. "No. I'm really not."
"Okay," Danny said, and sat down beside him, passing him a glass of water. "Try to drink that."
Casey stared at the glass in his hands. "It's my birthday," he said slowly.
"Yeah," Danny replied with a grin. He gestured at the glass. "Drink that."
"But…" Casey frowned.
"Drink that, and then we'll talk."
"Okay," Casey said, and slowly swallowed the water. There seemed to be far too much water for such a small glass. Reaching the bottom of the glass felt like an achievement. He passed the empty glass back to Danny.
Dan placed it on the coffee table. "So, your birthday?"
"It's my birthday."
"You're thirty-five now." Dan grinned. "Officially middle-aged."
"I didn't get a birthday kiss," Casey pointed out with a pout. "First year I didn't get a birthday kiss."
"Really?"
"When I was a kid, I got them from my mom. When I was in college, I got them from Lisa." Casey paused, thinking about it. Sliding down the couch, he let his head lean against the back of it. "When I was married, I got them from Lisa."
"Glad to hear that," Danny said with sparkling eyes. Casey liked Danny's eyes. They always sparkled when he laughed. There was something very trustworthy about eyes that laughed.
"When I was divorced, I got one from Kim and one from Natalie," Casey said, counting them out on his fingers. "This year? I got none."
Danny looked at his watch. "There's still about twenty hours left of your birthday, Casey. You'll probably get a kiss."
He waved his hand at Danny because it was too much effort to shake his head. "That doesn't count. It's supposed to be during the birthday celebrations. Or just after them. Not the morning after."
"Maybe it's the start of a new period in your life?" Dan suggested breezily, watching Casey in amusement.
That was a sad thought. "A period where nobody loves me?"
"I'm sure that your mom still loves you. She'd give you a birthday kiss if she could. But she lives several states away."
Casey frowned, suddenly depressed. "So nobody in this state loves me?" Danny snorted. He tried to cover it as a cough, but Casey could recognise a Danny-snort when he heard one. He sat up and glared at Danny. "Did you *know* that nobody loves me? You could have told me, you know."
"Casey, you have a lot of friends in this state, who actually live in this city," Danny said gently. "They care about you a lot."
"But not enough to give me a birthday kiss."
Dan sniggered. "Would you have preferred a birthday kiss from Jeremy?"
"Yes! Even with his really, really big glasses," Casey said, leaning an arm on the back of the couch to keep himself upright.
"Well, I'll mention that to him in the morning," Danny said, laughing a little.
Casey crossed his arms crankily. Danny wasn't supposed to be amused by this. This was a serious concern. "Okay, you're no longer my friend."
Danny grinned. "Not even your fourth best friend?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're not taking this seriously."
"It's not exactly a crisis," Dan said with a smile.
He stared at Danny. "Nobody cares enough to kiss me on my birthday, Danny. That is a crisis!"
"We all care about you, and next year, you will receive many kisses," Danny said, placing a warm hand on Casey's shoulder. "But I can't do anything about this year."
Casey frowned. "Why not?"
"There's no one left at the celebration." Danny shrugged. "I can't call them back."
Casey blinked, thinking about that. "There's you."
"So?"
"You could kiss me."
Danny's eyebrows jumped towards his hairline. He wondered if Danny's eyebrows were sad that they could never quite reach their goal. It must be hard to have an unreachable target. "I don't think so."
"Why not? Kim did. Natalie did." Danny watched him seriously. "Jeremy would."
"It's not happening, Casey."
"You kind of suck," Casey said, going back to folding his arms and frowning. "This is why you're not my friend."
"I'm not your friend because I won't kiss you," Danny said slowly. "There's something very wrong with that logic."
Casey glared at him, and Danny sighed. "You expect all of your friends to kiss you? Unless there's CPR required, I don't see any reason why friendship should include mouth-to-mouth contact."
Casey stared at Danny in shock. "No!"
"No?"
"No," Casey repeated, flailing his hands wildly. "A birthday kiss is not on the lips! I get birthday kisses from my *mom*. Ewww!" Danny blinked at him, so he repeated it for Danny's benefit. "Ewww!"
"Not on the lips?" Danny asked seriously.
"No."
"Then where?"
"On the cheek. Or on the forehead. Not the lips!" Casey shook his head to get the bad mental images out of his brain, and nearly spun himself out.
After a moment, Danny said, "Okay."
Casey's head was still spinning a little. He blinked and waited for it to clear. "Okay, what?"
"Okay, I'll give you a birthday kiss."
"Really?"
"Since it means so damn much to you," Danny said with a roll of his eyes.
Casey grinned. "I take it all back. You're my *best* friend."
"You are such a dork," Danny said, and leaned forward to wrap a strong hand around Casey's neck.
"Hey!" Casey objected.
"You are," Danny said, kneeling up on the couch. He pulled Casey towards him slightly, and pressed a dry kiss against his forehead. "Happy Birthday, Case."
Casey smiled happily. "Thank you."
Danny stood up. "Feel better now?"
"Much." Casey nodded.
"Let's get you to bed," Danny said, pulling him off the couch. Casey stood up and let Danny hook an arm around him.
They were fine until they got to the doorway, but then Casey's rug decided to attack his ankles. He fell against Danny, managing to bring them both crashing to the ground. Danny shifted, half-under him and half-beside him and Casey pulled back, trying to untangle himself. He would have been fine if the room had stayed still.
Instead, the room peevishly kept twisting, and Casey ended up losing his balance again, almost-falling on top of Danny. He saved himself with an arm on the floor, and looked down to see Danny's face just below his own. Almost too close.
"You okay, Casey?" Casey watched Danny's lips move, watched them stretch and soften around the syllables.
"Yeah," he said breathlessly, not wanting to move. He could feel Danny's chest rise and fall beneath him.
"Can you move?" Danny asked, and Casey decided he liked O. He liked the way it shaped Danny's mouth.
"Don't want to."
Danny's tongue sneaked out and wet his bottom lip. "No?"
"No," Casey replied, and leaned down, closing the gap between them. Danny's lips were warm beneath his, soft against his tongue. For a split second, Danny's hand grasped at his hair, then Danny slid it down to Casey's jaw. His fingers just rested there, not pulling him closer, not pushing him away. Just warm and solid and there. He tried licking at Danny's lips, wanting Danny to let him inside, but Danny kept his mouth firmly closed. Casey was pretty sure that a good kiss shouldn't go like that.
After a confused moment, he pulled back and stared down at Danny.
Danny's voice was just a little breathless. "Time for bed, Casey."
Casey blinked, a little surprised, but he was already half-hard against Danny's thigh. And Danny knew what he was doing. "Okay," he said, his own voice barely above a whisper. He got off Danny, and with Danny's help, got himself into a standing position. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
Danny led him over to the bed, and sat him down. He started on Casey's buttons, and pulled his shirt off. He left Casey's t-shirt on. "Shoes, Casey."
Casey nodded, kicking his shoes off obediently. He noticed that Danny was still dressed. He hadn't even taken his shoes off. "Aren't you…?"
"Shhh," Danny replied softly. "Take your pants off. It'll be more comfortable to sleep in."
Casey frowned. "But…?"
"Pants, Casey," Dan said firmly and Casey pulled them off. He got them stuck around his feet, but Danny quickly unravelled them and got them off. Danny pulled back the covers and then gently pushed Casey down onto the sheet.
Danny was tucking the covers around him, when Casey reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Danny?" he asked in a small, uncertain voice.
"You need to get some sleep, Casey."
Danny's wrist tensed under his fingers. "But…"
"You're very drunk. And you need to get some sleep," Danny repeated softly.
Casey blinked, very confused. "But I kissed you."
Dan sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning close to Casey, but pulling his wrist out of Casey's hand. "You're straight, Casey."
"Thoretically," Casey pointed out, wondering why that sounded wrong.
"Theoretically?" Dan suggested, and Casey nodded. "There's nothing theoretical about it, Casey. I've known you for eleven years, and during that time I have seen you date, love and lust after women. It's not theoretical."
"It could be."
"It's not."
"But I kissed you."
Dan brushed Casey's hair off his forehead. "You're straight and you're very drunk. It doesn't count."
Casey blinked. That didn't seem right, but Danny probably knew what he was talking about. "Sure?"
Danny smiled, a small, sweet smile that softened his face. "I'm sure," he said, and stood up.
Danny was almost at the doorway when Casey spoke up. "Hey, Danny?" He'd already switched the bedroom light off, but Casey could hear his footsteps stop.
Dan paused, and it was impossible to see him in the shadows. "Yeah?"
"Am I wearing contacts?" It sounded like a stupid question, but it was generally better to ask Danny than to poke himself in the eye. He'd learned that the hard way.
"You took them out after the show," Dan said lightly. "Goodnight, Casey."
"Night, Danny."
***
***
Casey was sitting quietly at Anthony's, reading over his birthday cards. He'd tried building them up into a tower, like a pack of playing cards, but it hadn't worked. The birthday cards were all different shapes and sizes, and even with the pile of bar napkins supporting the foundations, the structure just kept leaning to one side, and toppling over.
The last attempt had resulted in Natalie's card lying open, lounging across the messy pile. Casey read it aloud. "'To a grumpy, middle-aged man on his thirty-fifth birthday.'" You had to love a birthday card like that.
Kim stopped on her way past his table, and blinked at him. "You okay there, Casey?"
Casey took another sip from his new glass. "I want to talk to Natalie."
"Is there a reason why?"
"She's my new best friend," Casey replied in a stage-whisper. "I want to tell her that."
"That she's your new best friend?" Kim asked doubtfully.
"Shhhh!" Casey raised a hand to his lips. Thankfully, it wasn't the hand holding his new glass. He should remember not to lift that hand. "Not so loud."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to hurt Danny's feelings."
Kim laughed. "I'll go get her."
It took an eternity for Natalie to arrive, so Casey spent his time trying to work out who was left. Everyone had come out for the birthday celebrations, but... Now, he could only spot a couple of people. There was Kim and Elliot at another table. Natalie and Dana were at the bar, talking to a bunch of guys. Jeremy was hanging beside them, looking out of place and a little amused. Danny was nowhere to be seen, but Casey was sure Danny would have said goodbye before leaving. So, Danny was still here somewhere. Probably with some leggy blonde.
He watched Kim say something to Natalie, and point at Casey, and then Natalie left with Jeremy in tow. Dana was left standing there, amongst the crowd of dark suits, talking and smiling, bubbling like a glass of golden champagne. Her light hair shimmered as she laughed. No one could deny that she was beautiful.
"I'm your new best friend?" Natalie asked when she got to his table.
"Yeah."
"What about Dan?"
"He was my old best friend. You are the new one," Casey stated with a broad grin.
Natalie smiled. "You really like the gifts?"
"Yep."
Natalie gestured at the neat pile of gifts. He'd made that pile before he opened Natalie's. That was probably why it was so neat. "How come it's not on the table, with the other presents?"
Casey gestured at the seat beside him, where the green bottle was hiding out of sight. "I don't want Jack to see it. He might get… *thingy* about outside alcohol."
Natalie blinked, and then turned behind her to yell across at Jack. "Hey, Jack, can Casey drink a bottle of alcohol he was given as a birthday present?"
"It's his birthday, right?" Jack replied, wiping a glass.
Natalie nodded. "Yeah."
"Go ahead."
Natalie turned back to Casey and grinned. "You can drink it openly, Casey. I checked with Jack."
Casey beamed, and lifted the bottle on to the table, setting it beside the matching set of shot glasses. "See? This is why you're my new best friend."
"She's your new best friend?"
"Shhh. I don't want Danny to… Oh," Casey said, looking up to see Danny laughing over Natalie's shoulder. He frowned apologetically. "Sorry, Danny. I was trying not to hurt your feelings."
"Why is Natalie your new best friend?"
"She got me the best gift ever," Casey replied seriously.
Danny nodded. "Alcohol."
Casey stared at him in shock. "How did you know?"
"I heard her yelling at Jack. I came over to see what it was," Danny said with an amused grin.
"Ah."
"So, if I'm your new best friend," Natalie asked slowly, "What does that make Danny?"
"My second best friend," Casey replied firmly.
"I'm feeling a little left out here." Casey turned to see Jeremy frowning at him. "I got you a good present as well."
"Good point." Casey leaned back in his seat as he thought about it. Natalie had bought the bottle, but Jeremy gave him the shot glasses. Without the shot glasses, the bottle wouldn't have been as much fun. "Okay, Natalie's my new best friend. You're my second best friend," Casey said, pointing loosely at Jeremy.
"What about Dana?" Natalie leaned forward a little. "She got you the Mississippi Mud Cake. You said you loved that cake."
"I did. It was really, *really* good," Casey agreed, smiling at the memory of the rich, chocolatey cake. "Okay, you're my best friend, Jeremy's my second best friend, Dana's my third best friend, and Dan's my fourth best friend."
"Well, as your second best friend, I think I'm going to take a seat at your table," Jeremy said and sat down beside Casey.
Dan raised an eyebrow. "Fourth?"
"You got me a book," Casey replied, pointing in the direction of the pile of presents.
"You like books."
"It's a *book*."
"It's a good book."
"It doesn't compare to alcohol or cake."
"When you read it, Casey, you'll really enjoy it."
"Well, until I read it, you're staying at fourth."
Danny sighed dramatically. "Fine, but I expect my status to be elevated very soon."
Natalie's laughter gleamed. Soft and warm, and if Casey squinted, he was sure he would see the dust-motes floating in the sound. "Accept and move on, Dan. Casey's drunk. He's not going to change his mind."
"I'm not…" Casey trailed off, thinking about it. "Okay, I'm a little drunk."
Natalie snorted. "You're buzzed, Casey."
"High as a paper kite," Jeremy added.
"Yeah?" Casey grinned. "I kind of feel like a paper kite. Fluttering about on the breeze, high above the buildings and the cars and the people. Able to go wherever I want. See the world without being tethered to anything or anyone." Casey nodded at the pleasant mental image.
There was a moment of silence while the others looked at each other. Eventually, Dan spoke. "Wow. You are *really* wasted."
Casey made a relaxed gesture. "I'm a bit drunk."
"What are you drinking?" Dan asked, leaning across the table.
"My favourite drink." Casey grinned at Natalie.
"Jaegermeister," Dan said slowly, picking up the bottle. "A really big bottle of Jaegermeister."
"Yeah."
Dan gestured at the bottle. It was a quarter empty already. "You've drunk all this?"
"Yeah." Casey emptied his cup, and held it up for Dan to refill. "And, I'll be drinking more. You're welcome to join me…?" he offered, looking from Dan to Natalie to Jeremy. Natalie was watching Dana at the bar.
Jeremy shook his head. "I'm sticking to beer."
"And you should be too," Dan said with a tiny frown. It really was tiny, only touching his forehead and the corners of his red lips.
"I'm not drinking beer," Casey pointed out carefully. "I'm drinking Jaegermeister."
"You're not allowed to drink Jaegermeister."
Natalie's ears perked up at this, and she suddenly started paying attention. "You're not allowed, Casey?"
Dan was still staring at him, looking concerned and a little angry. "You promised us. You promised me, you promised Dana, you promised Lisa. No more Jaegermeister."
"No." Casey shook his head. "I promised I wouldn't buy Jaegermeister. And I haven't."
"And yet, you have a very large bottle of the stuff." Danny was right. It *was* a very large bottle. Natalie was the best.
Casey grinned at the thought. "Did I mention that Natalie's my new best friend?"
"I want to hear more about the alcohol," Dan said firmly.
Dan should lighten up. It was a birthday celebration. He was officially thirty-five years old. He could drink if he wanted to. "I didn't break my promise," Casey muttered resentfully, standing up to grab the bottle back from Dan. He swayed on his feet, and sat back down with a thump. Jeremy looked at him strangely, but Casey had the bottle in his hands. "It's a present."
Dan stared at him. "From?"
"Natalie," Casey said, beaming at his new best friend.
Dan frowned at Natalie. "I can't believe you bought him Jaegermeister."
"I didn't know he wasn't allowed to have it," Natalie pointed out, shooting Casey a worried glance.
"I like Jaegermeister," Casey pointed out. "I am the Master of the Hunt."
Dan rolled his eyes. "But it doesn't like you."
"Yes, it does. It loves me and it makes me feel great. On top of the world. High as a kite. Giddy as a schoolgirl."
"I don't deny that it makes you giddy. I don't even deny that it makes you grin like a loon," Dan said, and Casey beamed at him.
"Exactly," Casey said, holding his bottle close.
"It also makes you feel like killing yourself the next day," Dan pointed out sourly. "You do remember that, right? The total hangovers you get when you drink that stuff."
Casey waved away Dan's concerns, like he was swiping at a large, stealthy fly. "Hangovers are for wusses. Tonight, I am Master of the Hunt."
Dan sighed and turned to Natalie. "You bought him the stuff. I think it's your responsibility to go explain to Dana why Casey needs tomorrow off."
"He needs tomorrow off?"
"Oh, *yeah*," Dan said, like some bad eighties song. "He'll have fun tonight, and won't be able to stand up straight, but you don't want to see him tomorrow. You definitely don't want to put him under studio lights."
Natalie's forehead formed into parallel furrows. It was kind of cute, in a weird geometric sense. "Really?"
"Just tell Dana about the Jaegermeister. She'll know what I'm talking about. Tell her Casey's now the 'Master of the Hunt.'"
Natalie shrugged and walked over to Dana. Casey watched her animated walk, her quick, lively steps. Almost like a pony. A show pony, Casey mentally corrected.
"She's a show pony," Casey announced, to no one in particular. Dan blinked at him, and nodded automatically.
Casey grinned at Jeremy, almost sitting up straight. Well, leaning on the table just a little. From this angle, the overhead lights at Anthony's glimmered in the reflection from Jeremy's glasses. "Why are your glasses so..." Casey waved vaguely with his hands, but Jeremy just stared at him.
"So what?"
Casey lifted his hands to his eye-level, and outlined a rough square around his head.
Jeremy looked confused. "So boxed?"
Casey frowned and shook his head, and then remembered the word. "Big. Why are your glasses so *big*?"
Jeremy blinked owlishly at him, staring through the thick lenses. "Big?"
Casey nodded, and then realised that was a bad idea when the room started to sway. "They're really big," he said, closing his eyes until gravity straightened out the room.
Jeremy turned to Dan. "Is this why he isn't allowed to drink it?"
"Got it in one," Dan replied quickly, pulling a chair up to the table.
Casey closed his eyes while Jeremy asked, "Does he always get this bad?"
Dan's snort was oddly familiar. Casey wondered if he should be able to recognise Dan's snort with his eyes closed. "He gets worse. Give him another few glasses, and he'll be reciting Shakespeare."
"You recite Shakespeare when drunk?"
After a moment, Casey realised that question was for him. He opened his eyes and nodded. "I like the speeches. Especially the St Crispins' Day speech. 'Band of brothers' and all that patriotic stuff."
"Okay," Jeremy said slowly.
"What's St Crispins' Day?"
"You don't know?" Jeremy asked, surprised.
"I have no idea," Casey replied, wondering where he'd put his glass. "I know the speech, but I don't know St Crispins' Day." After a moment, he added, "I want to celebrate St Crispins' Day. It sounds like a fun holiday. We could have a day off, and everything. Maybe a parade."
"A parade?"
"And we'd eat apples!" Casey declared with a broad sweep of his arm. He knocked over his empty shot glass, but Jeremy picked it up and straightened it on the table. "Apples, Jeremy."
"Why apples?"
"Crisp green apples for St Crispins' Day. Or maybe red apples. I wouldn't want to discriminate on the basis of colour," Casey enunciated carefully. "There will be no racism against apples on St Crispins' Day. It goes against the spirit of the season." Casey punctuated his point by slapping his hand against the table top. It kind of hurt. "Ow," he said as he rubbed his palm, and glared at the table.
"And he gets worse than this?" Jeremy was asking Danny.
Danny nodded, so Casey interrupted by poking Jeremy's shoulder. "Tell me about St Crispins' Day."
Jeremy stared at him. "Why do you think I'd know about St Crispins' Day?"
"You're dusty," Casey said, pointing out the obvious. "You know this stuff."
"Well, yes, I do," Jeremy said, and started in on a long explanation that started with Shakespeare and English battles, and somehow involved October the 25th, and shoes, and Christian princesses. Casey nodded, listening to the low, certain tone of Jeremy's voice. He tuned out the words in the middle, but drew his attention back by the end.
"…Of course, there's also a French version of the myth that says that St. Crispin was born into a wealthy roman family in the third century A.D.. He converted to Christianity pretty young, and was disinherited by his family. Christianity wasn't an approved lifestyle for a noble Roman. So, no longer able to rely on his parents' cash, he had to provide for himself by becoming a shoemaker. Teaching the gospel was his life's work, and made shoes in his spare time. Well, he did, until he was put to death for his beliefs in Soissons, France in 288 A.D.."
Jeremy stopped and Casey stopped staring at the ceiling. "Is there more?"
"I think that's about it," Jeremy replied.
Casey looked over and realised that Dan wasn't paying attention. He was watching some redhead at the bar. "You should tell Danny."
"Why?"
"The shoes."
"Ah." Jeremy nodded, but didn't start the tale again. Casey was almost disappointed.
Casey shrugged, and turned his bottle over in his hands. Then, he looked up at Jeremy. "You're very dusty."
"Thanks," Jeremy said, blinking owlishly through his big glasses. "I think."
"Dana says he's got tomorrow off," Natalie said, as she sat down in a chair beside Dan. "She checked with Steve earlier today, just in case Casey decided to really celebrate."
"Smart woman," Dan said and they started talking quietly about rundowns and scripts. Boring conversation that Casey didn't care about. Well, not right now.
"You're very knowledgeable," Casey said to Jeremy. "Did you know that?"
"I did," Jeremy replied with a smile, "but thanks for noticing."
Casey turned to Natalie, waving at her until he got her attention. "Did you know Jeremy's very knowledgeable?"
Natalie's laughter gleamed again. "Yeah, I did know that." She winked at Jeremy. "He's a real catch."
Casey smiled, because Natalie and Jeremy were dating again, and happy again. And he wanted his friends to be happy. And dating. But not necessarily each other, because that would just cause problems.
"Apparently, I'm dusty," Jeremy was saying to Natalie. For starters, the ratio of men to women was far too high for that to work.
"Dusty?" she asked.
Jeremy shrugged. "Casey said I'm dusty."
"Casey?" He looked up at Natalie, and smiled. "Why is Jeremy dusty?"
"Because he is," Casey replied. Natalie didn't seem to understand. "Jeremy's dusty. Like those old books, kept up the back of the library, the ones so old you're not allowed to borrow them. And when you open them, you can smell the dust, and the years, and the knowledge soaked into the pages. Dusty."
"Thank you," Jeremy said, his ears a little pink.
Casey shrugged. "You just are."
"What am I?" Natalie leaned forward on the table, and Casey suddenly spotted his glass.
He reached forward to get it, keeping a hand on the table top for balance. "You?"
"Yeah?"
"A glass of whisky," Casey said easily.
Natalie's eyes went wide. "How come?"
"Jeremy told me." Casey tilted his head in Jeremy's direction.
Natalie snorted. "I was about to be really weirded out, but that makes sense."
Casey unscrewed the lid of his bottle, and carefully held the glass on the table top. The trick was to make the bottle and the table sway at the same time.
"Are you sure you should be doing that?" Jeremy asked in a worried tone.
"I have perfect motor control," Casey replied. He glared at the neck of the bottle, willing it to pour just a dribble of alcohol into his glass.
"Even though you can't sit up straight?" Jeremy asked doubtfully. Casey looked up, and wondered when Natalie and Dan had defected from his table. At least he still had his second best friend.
"If you want to pour it for me, go ahead, Mom."
Jeremy hmmm'd, looking over the thick rim of his glasses. "It's probably safer for all concerned. Pass me the bottle."
Casey slid it across to him. "You can some if you want," he said, as Jeremy poured the brown liquid into the shot glass. "I have more glasses."
"I know you have more glasses."
"Yeah?"
"I bought them for you, remember?"
"Oh, yeah." Casey laughed, and slid sideways on the seat, nudging Jeremy's shoulder. The glass in Jeremy's hands jerked, and splashed over his fingers. "Sorry."
"Here," Jeremy said, handing him the slightly sticky shot glass. Jeremy sucked his fingers into his mouth, and then pulled a disgusted face. "You can drink *that*?"
Casey took a sip of his drink. The herbal taste was a bit strong. "It tastes better when it's cold."
"It's pretty cold, Casey."
"It's supposed to be served at minus four degrees," Casey recited.
"Celsius or Fahrenheit?" Jeremy blinked and then added, "It's obviously not Kelvin."
Casey shrugged. "It's supposed to be cold enough to chill your hands. It should numb your tongue, and then burn your throat and warm your stomach. It's a great drink."
Jeremy shrugged. "Each to their own."
Casey nodded, and swallowed another mouthful.
***
Casey had finished a few more glasses, and was having a bit of trouble controlling his hand gestures. "How do you know you're in love?"
Jeremy blinked, the big glasses still in place, and frowned. "How?"
"You and Natalie are in love. How do you know it?" Casey explained.
"Because she tells me," Jeremy responded. "And I tell her."
"But I could say that." Casey reached for his glass, and then frowned when it was empty.
"Yeah?"
He thought about asking Jeremy to pour him another, but decided that was too much effort at the moment. "I could say 'I'm in love with Natalie.' It doesn't make me in love with her."
"No, it doesn't," Jeremy replied evenly. "It makes you a liar."
"But how can you tell?" Casey whined.
"That you're not in love with Natalie?"
"That you are in love with someone." Casey paused, and crossed his arms on the table, resting his head against the cool surface. "I've been in love with two women in my life, and I'm not even sure how you *know*."
Jeremy shrugged. "You just do."
Casey squinted at him. "You're not very knowledgeable about this, are you?"
Jeremy adjusted his huge glasses, and then spoke. "It's someone that you care about, that you don't want to see hurt. It's someone that you'd do almost anything to protect. Someone that you want to see happy."
Casey snorted. "That would describe most of my friends. There's got to be a better description."
"I'm getting there," Jeremy said, leaning back. "It's someone that you understand, for the most part. You don't have to understand why their mind works a certain way, but you know it does."
"Keep going."
"You can see their flaws and their virtues, and you love both of them. Because you know that without one, you wouldn't have the other." Jeremy paused, and had a sip of his coke. Casey didn't know when Jeremy had stopped drinking beer tonight, but he knew that Jeremy was far more sober than he was. There was a possibility that everyone in this bar was more sober than he was. "Even when they drive you crazy, even when you know they're doing the wrong thing, you still love them. When you fight, it hurts, but when you're getting on, it's great."
"That's a pretty bad description," Casey pointed out, taking care to say his words right.
Jeremy looked offended. "I think it's pretty accurate."
"It could describe me and Danny," Casey scoffed.
"That's because you're good friends and you love each other."
Casey buried his head in his crossed arms. "Yeah, but we're not *in* love. Where's the difference?"
"Being in love is a mixture of love and lust. You've got to lust after them as well, and you've got to kiss them."
Casey frowned and dragged his head up into the light. "You could love from afar," he said, scowling at Jeremy.
"That's not being in love," Jeremy pointed out with a self-satisfied smirk. "That's infatuation. You just watch and pine and pretend that they're perfect. If you don't know someone, you can't be in love with them."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You have to kiss them, you have to talk to them. You have to fight and argue and laugh. You have to know them, the good points and the bad points. If you can do that, and then still feel like you're the luckiest guy in the world because they're beside you? You're in love."
"Huh." Casey thought about that for a few long seconds, resting his head on his hand. "Maybe I've only been in love once," he said slowly.
Jeremy shrugged. "That's just my definition."
"I like your definition," Casey said. "It sounds… right."
"Thanks," Jeremy replied.
"I like it too," Natalie said, and Casey glanced over to see her beaming at Jeremy. He would have asked how much of that definition she overheard, but he was too drunk to care.
***
Danny's car was warm and big and wonderful. "Your car is wonderful," he told Danny.
Danny shot him an annoyed look, an annoyed I'm-supposed-to-be-concentrating-on-the-road look. "Sit up, Casey."
"It's wonderful," Casey said, pulling himself into a straighter position in the passenger's seat. He started sliding towards the floor again pretty quickly. "It's big and warm and wonderful. Just like you."
"Just like me?" Danny gave him a quick confused glance, and then turned back to the red lights in front of them.
"Yep." Casey nodded. "You have a big, warm heart, Danny. You're pretty wonderful, too."
Danny smiled. "Thanks."
"And so's your car," Casey said, trailing a hand over the leather seats. "Big and warm and covered in leather." Casey thought about it, and then added, "That's not like you."
"Okay, Casey? I need to drive, so can you be quiet for a bit?"
Casey nodded happily, but didn't speak. He could be quiet for Danny. Not a problem. He could sit here, and try not to slide down the comfy leather seats, and just enjoy Danny's big, warm car. It really was big – an old tank of a Mercedes that Dan had picked up for about ten grand in Dallas. Danny had had it repainted, and finished, and slowly had the engine fixed up. Now, it was a shiny and black, with a smooth, purring motor, and lots of leg room.
Not like Dana's car or Jeremy's, where Casey had to bend his legs in half and squish up to fit in. Nope. Danny's car was big. And warm. And wonderful. "Your car is wonderful," he told Danny.
"Shhh," Danny said gently. "We're being quiet."
"Oh. Okay." Casey nodded and closed his eyes, and when he opened them, Danny was leaning over him.
"Casey, you need to get up." Casey blinked, and realised Danny was standing outside the car. "We're at your place," Danny told him.
"Oh. Okay," Casey said, and had an odd flash of déjà vu. He tried to stand up, but the pavement slanted beneath his feet. Danny caught him with an arm around his waist. "This is your city, right?" Casey murmured into Danny's jacket.
Danny stood him up against the car, and closed the car door. "Yeah?"
"Could you get it to go…" He bounced his hand up and down, searching for the word. "Flat again?"
"I'm sure it will be flat by morning," Danny promised generously.
Casey smiled. "Thanks, Danny." Danny always knew how to fix these things.
"C'mon, let's get you upstairs."
Danny led him inside, and Casey decided he really liked the elevators. He liked the two corners; if he stood there quietly, it didn't matter how much the floor moved because the walls would catch him. He tried to explain this to Danny, that the corners would keep him safe, but Danny just patted his arm and stood in the middle of the floor, surfing the shifting floor. Casey watched him in awe. "You have good balance."
Dan snorted. "Sure." Somehow, Danny steered him across the waves of carpet and got him sitting down on his couch. Danny was good with things like that.
Casey leaned back into the cushions, hearing Danny messing around with something in the kitchen. "There's provolone cheese there if you want a sandwich."
Danny's voice came drifting back. "I'm not hungry. Are you?"
Casey thought about cheese and bread and cheese, and his stomach gurgled uncomfortably. "No. I'm really not."
"Okay," Danny said, and sat down beside him, passing him a glass of water. "Try to drink that."
Casey stared at the glass in his hands. "It's my birthday," he said slowly.
"Yeah," Danny replied with a grin. He gestured at the glass. "Drink that."
"But…" Casey frowned.
"Drink that, and then we'll talk."
"Okay," Casey said, and slowly swallowed the water. There seemed to be far too much water for such a small glass. Reaching the bottom of the glass felt like an achievement. He passed the empty glass back to Danny.
Dan placed it on the coffee table. "So, your birthday?"
"It's my birthday."
"You're thirty-five now." Dan grinned. "Officially middle-aged."
"I didn't get a birthday kiss," Casey pointed out with a pout. "First year I didn't get a birthday kiss."
"Really?"
"When I was a kid, I got them from my mom. When I was in college, I got them from Lisa." Casey paused, thinking about it. Sliding down the couch, he let his head lean against the back of it. "When I was married, I got them from Lisa."
"Glad to hear that," Danny said with sparkling eyes. Casey liked Danny's eyes. They always sparkled when he laughed. There was something very trustworthy about eyes that laughed.
"When I was divorced, I got one from Kim and one from Natalie," Casey said, counting them out on his fingers. "This year? I got none."
Danny looked at his watch. "There's still about twenty hours left of your birthday, Casey. You'll probably get a kiss."
He waved his hand at Danny because it was too much effort to shake his head. "That doesn't count. It's supposed to be during the birthday celebrations. Or just after them. Not the morning after."
"Maybe it's the start of a new period in your life?" Dan suggested breezily, watching Casey in amusement.
That was a sad thought. "A period where nobody loves me?"
"I'm sure that your mom still loves you. She'd give you a birthday kiss if she could. But she lives several states away."
Casey frowned, suddenly depressed. "So nobody in this state loves me?" Danny snorted. He tried to cover it as a cough, but Casey could recognise a Danny-snort when he heard one. He sat up and glared at Danny. "Did you *know* that nobody loves me? You could have told me, you know."
"Casey, you have a lot of friends in this state, who actually live in this city," Danny said gently. "They care about you a lot."
"But not enough to give me a birthday kiss."
Dan sniggered. "Would you have preferred a birthday kiss from Jeremy?"
"Yes! Even with his really, really big glasses," Casey said, leaning an arm on the back of the couch to keep himself upright.
"Well, I'll mention that to him in the morning," Danny said, laughing a little.
Casey crossed his arms crankily. Danny wasn't supposed to be amused by this. This was a serious concern. "Okay, you're no longer my friend."
Danny grinned. "Not even your fourth best friend?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're not taking this seriously."
"It's not exactly a crisis," Dan said with a smile.
He stared at Danny. "Nobody cares enough to kiss me on my birthday, Danny. That is a crisis!"
"We all care about you, and next year, you will receive many kisses," Danny said, placing a warm hand on Casey's shoulder. "But I can't do anything about this year."
Casey frowned. "Why not?"
"There's no one left at the celebration." Danny shrugged. "I can't call them back."
Casey blinked, thinking about that. "There's you."
"So?"
"You could kiss me."
Danny's eyebrows jumped towards his hairline. He wondered if Danny's eyebrows were sad that they could never quite reach their goal. It must be hard to have an unreachable target. "I don't think so."
"Why not? Kim did. Natalie did." Danny watched him seriously. "Jeremy would."
"It's not happening, Casey."
"You kind of suck," Casey said, going back to folding his arms and frowning. "This is why you're not my friend."
"I'm not your friend because I won't kiss you," Danny said slowly. "There's something very wrong with that logic."
Casey glared at him, and Danny sighed. "You expect all of your friends to kiss you? Unless there's CPR required, I don't see any reason why friendship should include mouth-to-mouth contact."
Casey stared at Danny in shock. "No!"
"No?"
"No," Casey repeated, flailing his hands wildly. "A birthday kiss is not on the lips! I get birthday kisses from my *mom*. Ewww!" Danny blinked at him, so he repeated it for Danny's benefit. "Ewww!"
"Not on the lips?" Danny asked seriously.
"No."
"Then where?"
"On the cheek. Or on the forehead. Not the lips!" Casey shook his head to get the bad mental images out of his brain, and nearly spun himself out.
After a moment, Danny said, "Okay."
Casey's head was still spinning a little. He blinked and waited for it to clear. "Okay, what?"
"Okay, I'll give you a birthday kiss."
"Really?"
"Since it means so damn much to you," Danny said with a roll of his eyes.
Casey grinned. "I take it all back. You're my *best* friend."
"You are such a dork," Danny said, and leaned forward to wrap a strong hand around Casey's neck.
"Hey!" Casey objected.
"You are," Danny said, kneeling up on the couch. He pulled Casey towards him slightly, and pressed a dry kiss against his forehead. "Happy Birthday, Case."
Casey smiled happily. "Thank you."
Danny stood up. "Feel better now?"
"Much." Casey nodded.
"Let's get you to bed," Danny said, pulling him off the couch. Casey stood up and let Danny hook an arm around him.
They were fine until they got to the doorway, but then Casey's rug decided to attack his ankles. He fell against Danny, managing to bring them both crashing to the ground. Danny shifted, half-under him and half-beside him and Casey pulled back, trying to untangle himself. He would have been fine if the room had stayed still.
Instead, the room peevishly kept twisting, and Casey ended up losing his balance again, almost-falling on top of Danny. He saved himself with an arm on the floor, and looked down to see Danny's face just below his own. Almost too close.
"You okay, Casey?" Casey watched Danny's lips move, watched them stretch and soften around the syllables.
"Yeah," he said breathlessly, not wanting to move. He could feel Danny's chest rise and fall beneath him.
"Can you move?" Danny asked, and Casey decided he liked O. He liked the way it shaped Danny's mouth.
"Don't want to."
Danny's tongue sneaked out and wet his bottom lip. "No?"
"No," Casey replied, and leaned down, closing the gap between them. Danny's lips were warm beneath his, soft against his tongue. For a split second, Danny's hand grasped at his hair, then Danny slid it down to Casey's jaw. His fingers just rested there, not pulling him closer, not pushing him away. Just warm and solid and there. He tried licking at Danny's lips, wanting Danny to let him inside, but Danny kept his mouth firmly closed. Casey was pretty sure that a good kiss shouldn't go like that.
After a confused moment, he pulled back and stared down at Danny.
Danny's voice was just a little breathless. "Time for bed, Casey."
Casey blinked, a little surprised, but he was already half-hard against Danny's thigh. And Danny knew what he was doing. "Okay," he said, his own voice barely above a whisper. He got off Danny, and with Danny's help, got himself into a standing position. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
Danny led him over to the bed, and sat him down. He started on Casey's buttons, and pulled his shirt off. He left Casey's t-shirt on. "Shoes, Casey."
Casey nodded, kicking his shoes off obediently. He noticed that Danny was still dressed. He hadn't even taken his shoes off. "Aren't you…?"
"Shhh," Danny replied softly. "Take your pants off. It'll be more comfortable to sleep in."
Casey frowned. "But…?"
"Pants, Casey," Dan said firmly and Casey pulled them off. He got them stuck around his feet, but Danny quickly unravelled them and got them off. Danny pulled back the covers and then gently pushed Casey down onto the sheet.
Danny was tucking the covers around him, when Casey reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Danny?" he asked in a small, uncertain voice.
"You need to get some sleep, Casey."
Danny's wrist tensed under his fingers. "But…"
"You're very drunk. And you need to get some sleep," Danny repeated softly.
Casey blinked, very confused. "But I kissed you."
Dan sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning close to Casey, but pulling his wrist out of Casey's hand. "You're straight, Casey."
"Thoretically," Casey pointed out, wondering why that sounded wrong.
"Theoretically?" Dan suggested, and Casey nodded. "There's nothing theoretical about it, Casey. I've known you for eleven years, and during that time I have seen you date, love and lust after women. It's not theoretical."
"It could be."
"It's not."
"But I kissed you."
Dan brushed Casey's hair off his forehead. "You're straight and you're very drunk. It doesn't count."
Casey blinked. That didn't seem right, but Danny probably knew what he was talking about. "Sure?"
Danny smiled, a small, sweet smile that softened his face. "I'm sure," he said, and stood up.
Danny was almost at the doorway when Casey spoke up. "Hey, Danny?" He'd already switched the bedroom light off, but Casey could hear his footsteps stop.
Dan paused, and it was impossible to see him in the shadows. "Yeah?"
"Am I wearing contacts?" It sounded like a stupid question, but it was generally better to ask Danny than to poke himself in the eye. He'd learned that the hard way.
"You took them out after the show," Dan said lightly. "Goodnight, Casey."
"Night, Danny."
***
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2004-04-27 10:55 pm (UTC)Dan brushed Casey's hair off his forehead. "You're straight and you're very drunk. It doesn't count."
Casey blinked. That didn't seem right, but Danny probably knew what he was talking about.
awwwww! So funny and sweet and Sorkin!
This is your one bye for fic-posting. If you post after this, I shall ignore you. *stern look* (We'll ignore the fact that I'll be in bed for the next seven hours.)
no subject
Date: 2004-04-27 11:05 pm (UTC)Oooh. That's quite a compliment. *preens* Thanks!
(Meanwhile, I refuse to think about how long this fic must be getting. I think it would freak me out.)
This is your one bye for fic-posting. If you post after this, I shall ignore you. *stern look* (We'll ignore the fact that I'll be in bed for the next seven hours.)
Eep! I shall be good. I shall work and study. (And, you know, stop procrastinating from both of those things through writing about my boys. I just, y'know, I want to get them to the happy ending. And it seems *miles* away.)
no subject
Date: 2004-04-28 05:50 am (UTC)But I know how you could make it up to him . . .
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Date: 2004-04-28 02:01 pm (UTC)Huh. Wouldn't have thought of Casey as a tease, but... *blinks* Hm. I think I've watched enough SN that I've come to accept his romantic half-gestures. He doesn't mean to tease, he just... does. *g*
But I know how you could make it up to him . . .
*sniggers* Okay, that's producing a lot of wonderful mental images. Mmmmm...
Glad you're enjoying.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-28 06:45 am (UTC)It'll be interesting to see where it goes after this, since you haven't taken the usual easy but improbable get-out of going for a Mutual Declaration of Undying Love while under the influence ...
Just how secretly gay is Casey really ...
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Date: 2004-04-28 02:06 pm (UTC)I was just imagining a pounding headache, but the violently sick thing is a good point. Will have to mention it.
Nice to see him getting so thoroughly and so convincingly rat-arsed, anyway.
I think drunk-Casey, like drunk-Danny, would be fairly adorable. Overdramatic, and weirdly pedantic about logic, but adorable.
Curious what book Dan bought him.
I'm thinking a novel, about an archeologist figuring out an old murder mystery. I *know* such a novel exists, because my Dad was trying to convince me to read it years ago. It's the type of kinda-nerdy book that I could really imagine Casey getting into.
And the cake was a nice touch of continuity, too.
Thank you. Has to be chocolate. *g*
It'll be interesting to see where it goes after this, since you haven't taken the usual easy but improbable get-out of going for a Mutual Declaration of Undying Love while under the influence ...
No. I have *plans* for them. *rubs hands and laughs evilly*
Just how secretly gay is Casey really ...
Well, I'm working on the basis of naive-inexperienced-Casey. You know, the type of Casey who's slept with five women in his entire life, and only kissed a handful more. I think he could be convincingly bi, but in general Casey fashion, it's not related to the amount of experience he has, it's related to a particular person.
Oh yes, I have *plans*. *g* (Glad you enjoyed it.)
no subject
Date: 2004-04-29 09:10 pm (UTC)"This is your city, right?" Casey murmured into Danny's jacket.
Danny stood him up against the car, and closed the car door. "Yeah?"
"Could you get it to go…" He bounced his hand up and down, searching for the word. "Flat again?"
"I'm sure it will be flat by morning," Danny promised generously.
Casey smiled. "Thanks, Danny." Danny always knew how to fix these things.
These boys are just the cutest! You write their interactions - drunk and sober - so very very well.
Casey liked Danny's eyes. They always sparkled when he laughed. There was something very trustworthy about eyes that laughed.
That is SO TRUE. Very well put. And hey, Casey and I love the same thing about Dan! Huzzah! :)
You're awesome. Can't wait to read part 7!
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Date: 2004-04-29 11:29 pm (UTC)Wow! You are such an enthusiastic ray of sunshine. Totally makes up for the miserable (overcast & cold) weather today...
These boys are just the cutest! You write their interactions - drunk and sober - so very very well.
Thank you! Honestly, I find Danny adorable when he's so totally wasted (after Rebecca leaves). The whole "you are my sworn enemy! ... I love you, man!" makes me giggle every time. (As does the drunken hug and the "I love you too, Casey. You're like my much, *much* older brother" remark.)
Casey liked Danny's eyes. They always sparkled when he laughed. There was something very trustworthy about eyes that laughed.
That is SO TRUE. Very well put. And hey, Casey and I love the same thing about Dan! Huzzah! :)
To be honest, I stole the idea from a children's book. I think it was by Roald Dahl, but I read it years ago. The narrator is a child, but he comments on his father's laughing eyes. That you couldn't trust someone who didn't laugh with their eyes... it just kind of stuck with me.
You're awesome. Can't wait to read part 7!
*beams* Dude, at this rate, my head will be so swollen I won't be able to get through the door.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-01 04:30 pm (UTC)I'm going to give you intensive feedback eventually, just let me plunder through it, kay?
Suffice it to say I'm loving it. Loving. It.
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Date: 2004-10-02 01:56 am (UTC)Wonderful! That's exactly what I was trying to do (because it's something some of my fave fic writers have done incredibly well) so it's great to hear that it worked.
Suffice it to say I'm loving it. Loving. It.
*beams* *twirls happily*